If you're the kind of person who likes obscure, esoteric, and ridiculous minutae, have I got the blog post for you!
You probably know who or what The Chipmunks are as a novelty popular music cultural phenomenon. If you don't know this, here, allow me to make an Internet link to the Wikipedia page. When you right-click your right mouse button on the URL link, a Wikipedia page will fill your Internet Web Browser with information about The Chipmunks. You can then recycle this information in conversations with your unsuspecting victim(s); or you can keep the information in your brain bank and allow it to marinate and simmer like a cooking analogy where I compare the absorption of Chipmunk information to food preparation. The Chipmunks.
If you read this post and later find yourself in a conversation with someone who tries to regurgitate (note: continuing the food analogy there) the Wikipedia Chipmunk information at you, now you have the power of forethought to tell them: "You are making audio vibrations from your mouth that sound remarkably like Wikipedia information about The Chipmunks. Why don't you just tell me to go read Wikipedia? Is any of the content of this conversation actually relevant to anything other than fulfilling the ritualistic act of social interaction?"
So I looked at the label on the vinyl LP of A Chipmunk Christmas and noted that the time listed for the very last track of side 2 (two), We Wish You A Merry Christmas, as "6:34" (six minutes and thirty-four seconds). Well, that is COMPLETELY FALSE. In actuality, the track appears to be slightly less than 2 minutes.
Therefore, there is a mistake on the label of the A Chipmunk Christmas vinyl record. Until this time, you were probably unaware that this mistake existed. It was relatively original information. Now this mistake will be recorded in your brain synaptic connections and the next time you have a conversation about either The Chipmunks, mistakes on record labels, or both, this information may come to the surface of your consciousness. You can then blurt it out, and your conversation will stretch on even further. Other than conversation-stretching, this new information I've brought to light in the blogosphere is utterly useless.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Slim Whitman Post
One thing personal life bloggers often document in the content of their personal life blogs is a taste in music. Everyone listens to music. Everyone has to listen to music, unless they are deaf, because music is played almost everywhere these days. Eventually, most people come to detect patterns in all that din and shortly thereafter they begin rank the patterns in order of preference. So I'm going to indulge in a little bit of that myself in the next paragraph.
With a few exceptions, I don't like country music. The patterns I detect in country music, by and large, do not resonate with me and don't cause the formation of particularly exciting patters of electrical activity in my brain. So it is a fittingly Divine irony that my favourite singer is from a genre I don't like. It is also another fittingly Divine irony that he is a male falsetto. It is also yet another fittingly Divine irony that he yodels, a vocal style in the dorky zone with belching death metal grunts and beatboxing. So, who the fuck am I talking about anyway?
Slim Whitman. He has one of the most beautiful voices imaginable. I don't have much more to add to that. It's like the tiniest glimpse of the sounds of the afterlife. His most beautiful number ever recorded is a version of Cattle Call, but they don't have that over at the You Tube website, so I'm going to embed a YouTube object featuring a live version of Rose Marie.
With a few exceptions, I don't like country music. The patterns I detect in country music, by and large, do not resonate with me and don't cause the formation of particularly exciting patters of electrical activity in my brain. So it is a fittingly Divine irony that my favourite singer is from a genre I don't like. It is also another fittingly Divine irony that he is a male falsetto. It is also yet another fittingly Divine irony that he yodels, a vocal style in the dorky zone with belching death metal grunts and beatboxing. So, who the fuck am I talking about anyway?
Slim Whitman. He has one of the most beautiful voices imaginable. I don't have much more to add to that. It's like the tiniest glimpse of the sounds of the afterlife. His most beautiful number ever recorded is a version of Cattle Call, but they don't have that over at the You Tube website, so I'm going to embed a YouTube object featuring a live version of Rose Marie.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The Exact Same Album
Have you ever watched musicians, such as a rock band or a pop band or a power-rop band, on tour or otherwise promoting a new record album while they are being interviewed by a music interviewer? Often the journalist asks of the band the following information: how is the new album different than the last album?
Often the band will reply with something along the lines of that they have grown since the last album, or they used keyboards, or they worked with some producer, or they used a D.J. with turn-tables, or blah blah blah. My favourite is when they say this new album is "more melodic".
But... what if the album wasn't different?
What if... what if it was the exact same record album with the exact same songs?
And what if the band's answer was... "Nothing. Nothing is different from the previous album. All of the songs are the same and in the same order. We may or may not have re-recorded them. Even the cover art is the same, except for perhaps a different title change. We basically released the exact same album again, just to stimy music reporters on this boilerplate interview question."
Why... don't I ever see that? Would a rock-type band please release the exact same record just to make everyone angry and confused, and make me laff?
When you do, please title your new record "The Exact Same Record We Did Last Time" and put me on the credits. Please refer to me as World's Most Blogger but add in a clever, mischievious "nickname" like bands often do in their stupid credits. My nickname could be a reference to condoms or whiskey or some other rock-or-roll trapping. How about World's Most 'Jack Daniels Trojan' Blogger? And I would also appreciate it if you would apologize for not including me on the credits of the previous, original music album.
Now that I mention it, not including me in the credits of the previous album would be one of the differences!
This post does not require a You Tube object. If a blogging journalist interviewer-type asks me: "what is different between this post and your last post", I will refer to the lack of Youtube video object. Also I will to credit you, the reader, as World's Most 'Jim Beam Durex' Blog Reader.
Often the band will reply with something along the lines of that they have grown since the last album, or they used keyboards, or they worked with some producer, or they used a D.J. with turn-tables, or blah blah blah. My favourite is when they say this new album is "more melodic".
But... what if the album wasn't different?
What if... what if it was the exact same record album with the exact same songs?
And what if the band's answer was... "Nothing. Nothing is different from the previous album. All of the songs are the same and in the same order. We may or may not have re-recorded them. Even the cover art is the same, except for perhaps a different title change. We basically released the exact same album again, just to stimy music reporters on this boilerplate interview question."
Why... don't I ever see that? Would a rock-type band please release the exact same record just to make everyone angry and confused, and make me laff?
When you do, please title your new record "The Exact Same Record We Did Last Time" and put me on the credits. Please refer to me as World's Most Blogger but add in a clever, mischievious "nickname" like bands often do in their stupid credits. My nickname could be a reference to condoms or whiskey or some other rock-or-roll trapping. How about World's Most 'Jack Daniels Trojan' Blogger? And I would also appreciate it if you would apologize for not including me on the credits of the previous, original music album.
Now that I mention it, not including me in the credits of the previous album would be one of the differences!
This post does not require a You Tube object. If a blogging journalist interviewer-type asks me: "what is different between this post and your last post", I will refer to the lack of Youtube video object. Also I will to credit you, the reader, as World's Most 'Jim Beam Durex' Blog Reader.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
This Blog Is More Than Just Embedded YouTube Objects, I Swear
You are STARVING for more blogging postings from me! The Show Must Go On!!!
A personal blogger is supposed to tell the International Internet what he/sh/it is up to. One word: Spinach! I planted spinach and it is excellent! I eat the spinach and it gives me the strength, the INCREDIBLE STRENGTH to make these incredible web blog updates!
My spinach also gives me the strength, determination and stamina to add more YouTube HypoText Made-Up Language (HTMUL) to my blog!
A personal blogger is supposed to tell the International Internet what he/sh/it is up to. One word: Spinach! I planted spinach and it is excellent! I eat the spinach and it gives me the strength, the INCREDIBLE STRENGTH to make these incredible web blog updates!
My spinach also gives me the strength, determination and stamina to add more YouTube HypoText Made-Up Language (HTMUL) to my blog!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Post Twelve: Long Time, No See Protocol
Sometimes I think about protocol. A series of steps goes through my mind.
For instance, here's a protocol I know about: what you do when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time.
I'm not sure how to define "long time". One quarter, i.e. 3 months? Is that long enough? A semester? 12 months? One year or more? These are parameters that must be defined and agreed upon between the parties. Gosh, human relations are fun.
First of all, you must act surprised to see the person. I think the reason you are supposed to act surprised, aside from it being a behaviour expected, is that you were not expecting to see them. Statistically, because you hadn't seen them for so long, it seemed very unlikely that you would see them again. (Psychologists probably have a word for this. They probably came up with the word while applying electric shocks to animals, so I won't bother looking it up.)
Second, you have to act interested in what they have been doing with themselves. Mainly, you are interested in what they have done between a) the last time you saw them, and b) the present. You are interested in an abstract summary, particularly from a financial or human resources perspective, e.g. what have they been working on and have they created any new humans for the labour pool. You want to avoid minutae, e.g. the person may have shit in a toilet at least once daily since you last saw them but that is not a good topic. (Unless perhaps you were an oncologist who helped them beat colorectal cancer.)
Third, you have to reminisce about "old times". "Old times" may be defined as shared events that occured in the timespan between a) the time your first saw them ever and b) the last time you saw them. These "old times" occured when you were younger and less bitter about everything. At the time, you did not know that after life had revealed its hyped-up, superficial mysteries to you, you would discover what it really is: an absurd and unimaginable prison; a simulacrum smothering your senses to keep you from God; a place where you pay incessant monthly bills keeping your body comfortable with adequate food and shelter while you wait for its collapse. At amusement parks, you pay to go on rides that make you vomit; on the ride called life, you merely pay for the feeling of nausea and disorientation.
And that's what you do when you see someone you haven't seen for a long time. Now I am going to go take a shit and go to sleep. If I haven't seen you for a long time, here's what I've been up to: sleeping 6-8 hours/day; shitting daily; generally self-preserving while waiting for my end; and only getting the briefest glimpses of Divinity - sometimes I think they serve merely to remind me that I am in bland hell.
This has been the most depressing post ever written on World's Most Blog to date. It is also the twelth (12lth) in a series of updates made in July 2008. Just as there is no point to most things in life, there was no point enumerating these posted updates. Here now is another You Tube embedded video object. Because I think in a boring linear way, the videos content reflects a sentiment opposite that of this blog post.
For instance, here's a protocol I know about: what you do when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time.
I'm not sure how to define "long time". One quarter, i.e. 3 months? Is that long enough? A semester? 12 months? One year or more? These are parameters that must be defined and agreed upon between the parties. Gosh, human relations are fun.
First of all, you must act surprised to see the person. I think the reason you are supposed to act surprised, aside from it being a behaviour expected, is that you were not expecting to see them. Statistically, because you hadn't seen them for so long, it seemed very unlikely that you would see them again. (Psychologists probably have a word for this. They probably came up with the word while applying electric shocks to animals, so I won't bother looking it up.)
Second, you have to act interested in what they have been doing with themselves. Mainly, you are interested in what they have done between a) the last time you saw them, and b) the present. You are interested in an abstract summary, particularly from a financial or human resources perspective, e.g. what have they been working on and have they created any new humans for the labour pool. You want to avoid minutae, e.g. the person may have shit in a toilet at least once daily since you last saw them but that is not a good topic. (Unless perhaps you were an oncologist who helped them beat colorectal cancer.)
Third, you have to reminisce about "old times". "Old times" may be defined as shared events that occured in the timespan between a) the time your first saw them ever and b) the last time you saw them. These "old times" occured when you were younger and less bitter about everything. At the time, you did not know that after life had revealed its hyped-up, superficial mysteries to you, you would discover what it really is: an absurd and unimaginable prison; a simulacrum smothering your senses to keep you from God; a place where you pay incessant monthly bills keeping your body comfortable with adequate food and shelter while you wait for its collapse. At amusement parks, you pay to go on rides that make you vomit; on the ride called life, you merely pay for the feeling of nausea and disorientation.
And that's what you do when you see someone you haven't seen for a long time. Now I am going to go take a shit and go to sleep. If I haven't seen you for a long time, here's what I've been up to: sleeping 6-8 hours/day; shitting daily; generally self-preserving while waiting for my end; and only getting the briefest glimpses of Divinity - sometimes I think they serve merely to remind me that I am in bland hell.
This has been the most depressing post ever written on World's Most Blog to date. It is also the twelth (12lth) in a series of updates made in July 2008. Just as there is no point to most things in life, there was no point enumerating these posted updates. Here now is another You Tube embedded video object. Because I think in a boring linear way, the videos content reflects a sentiment opposite that of this blog post.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
July 2008 Post Number Eleven: World's Most Blog In Space!
I forgot to mention that the last update was number 10. I also did not give it a sub-title. How about... "In the Hood"? "The Beginning"? I like "The Final Beginning"... because that is paradoxical!
There was a movie called Ocean's Eleven. It starred Frank Sinatra, George Clooney, and probably someone else. People watched it. And now I present World's Most Blog July 2008 Post Eleven!
You probably didn't memorize every single cast member of Ocean's Eleven because you were too busy playing with your finger up your ass during the credits. If you are a heterosexual male, then I am going to challenge your masculinity by accusing you of being so aroused by Brad Pitt, Cesar Romero and the rest of those heisty hunks that it made you spelunk your digits up into your rectum and tickle your prostate in an oh so fey way. And because you tired yourself out, now you want me to hand your lazy fucking ass a link on a decorative, homosexual silver platter because it will save you time typing words into a Internet searching engine. "Oh, I'm so tired and lazy, oh, please, World's Most Blogger, please, can you give me an easy link so I only have to make a minimum of one (1) left-mouse-click to access a list of Ocean's Eleven cast members? Oh, because my finger is so tired from playing with my ass that I've developed painful Repetitive Stress Injury." Okay, if it will save your mouse from smelling even more like shit, here's the link.
I apologize immediately for the verbal abuse and foul language in the previous paragraph. It will not happen for the rest of this posted update.
I had another point for making this post. Look at me, abusing my readership right when I should be announcing: I got two (2) new readers! I know because I WATCH YOU ALL WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER, STAT COUNTER!
One of my new readers hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Hello, Calgary! Yee-haw! Calgary is full of cattle and oil! Calgary has the Flames and the Herald and the urban sprawwwwl and the Calaway Park! Calgary has a lot of assets worth plenty of billions of dollars, but the most important fact I know about Calgary is that it has its first World's Most Blog reader! Whoever you are, YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1!
Next up, is Prince George, British Columbia. Welcome! I don't know much about Prince George. The most important detail about Prince George is that a Prince Georgian has read a post on my blog. I could learn more of their municipal statistics, but instead I went to You Tube and discovered that Prince George has so much more to offer, like suicidal downhill couch racing and sexy bikini gardening! And what I coincidence: time for more You Tube objects on the blog!
There was a movie called Ocean's Eleven. It starred Frank Sinatra, George Clooney, and probably someone else. People watched it. And now I present World's Most Blog July 2008 Post Eleven!
You probably didn't memorize every single cast member of Ocean's Eleven because you were too busy playing with your finger up your ass during the credits. If you are a heterosexual male, then I am going to challenge your masculinity by accusing you of being so aroused by Brad Pitt, Cesar Romero and the rest of those heisty hunks that it made you spelunk your digits up into your rectum and tickle your prostate in an oh so fey way. And because you tired yourself out, now you want me to hand your lazy fucking ass a link on a decorative, homosexual silver platter because it will save you time typing words into a Internet searching engine. "Oh, I'm so tired and lazy, oh, please, World's Most Blogger, please, can you give me an easy link so I only have to make a minimum of one (1) left-mouse-click to access a list of Ocean's Eleven cast members? Oh, because my finger is so tired from playing with my ass that I've developed painful Repetitive Stress Injury." Okay, if it will save your mouse from smelling even more like shit, here's the link.
I apologize immediately for the verbal abuse and foul language in the previous paragraph. It will not happen for the rest of this posted update.
I had another point for making this post. Look at me, abusing my readership right when I should be announcing: I got two (2) new readers! I know because I WATCH YOU ALL WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER, STAT COUNTER!
One of my new readers hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Hello, Calgary! Yee-haw! Calgary is full of cattle and oil! Calgary has the Flames and the Herald and the urban sprawwwwl and the Calaway Park! Calgary has a lot of assets worth plenty of billions of dollars, but the most important fact I know about Calgary is that it has its first World's Most Blog reader! Whoever you are, YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1!
Next up, is Prince George, British Columbia. Welcome! I don't know much about Prince George. The most important detail about Prince George is that a Prince Georgian has read a post on my blog. I could learn more of their municipal statistics, but instead I went to You Tube and discovered that Prince George has so much more to offer, like suicidal downhill couch racing and sexy bikini gardening! And what I coincidence: time for more You Tube objects on the blog!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Ways In Which This Blog Helps You With Basic Survival
Food: ...
Water: ...
Shelter: ...
Clothing: ...
However, if you only required hastily arranged internet word text to sustain your body at nominal health, this blog would probably do.
Water: ...
Shelter: ...
Clothing: ...
However, if you only required hastily arranged internet word text to sustain your body at nominal health, this blog would probably do.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The Ninth Post: Even Less To Blog About
I was told by Canadian TV that because I have a blog, I am supposed to write something about the band Bare Naked Ladies. If you don't know what The Bare Naked Ladies is, you should maybe learn to use a searching engine which will locate more useful information for you than you will find in this online blog update. This is a "personal" blog, and while it is a World's Most Blog, it is not at all a tutorial on finding words on the Internet.
I don't listen to The Bare Naked Ladies. One of them has a "reality" TV show where he does bad jobs, and while that sounds like an interesting reality premise, I've only watched the reality commercials for it. Once they made a song about Kraft Dinner, but for me it it was more entertaining when Terrence & Phillip ate Kraft Dinner.
I am not sure if The Bare Naked Ladies band ever made a cover song of George Benson's "Give Me The Night", but a Ferrero Rocher commercial did! Although Ferrero Rocher is not much better than Bare Naked Ladies, Kraft Dinner is much better as is the original by George Benson.
I hope you liked this post, which is the ninth (9th) in a series of update made in the month of July 2008. This post also the first in a series of one update to have topical commentary on an extremely ephermeral event in popular culture history. This update also has Canadiana, meaning that it makes reference points relevant to a cultural region of the NAFTA North American Union known as "Canada". This posting is also the fourth in a series of posts made in a series of posts made in the month of July 2008 that has a You Tube Video object embedded in the post.
I don't listen to The Bare Naked Ladies. One of them has a "reality" TV show where he does bad jobs, and while that sounds like an interesting reality premise, I've only watched the reality commercials for it. Once they made a song about Kraft Dinner, but for me it it was more entertaining when Terrence & Phillip ate Kraft Dinner.
I am not sure if The Bare Naked Ladies band ever made a cover song of George Benson's "Give Me The Night", but a Ferrero Rocher commercial did! Although Ferrero Rocher is not much better than Bare Naked Ladies, Kraft Dinner is much better as is the original by George Benson.
I hope you liked this post, which is the ninth (9th) in a series of update made in the month of July 2008. This post also the first in a series of one update to have topical commentary on an extremely ephermeral event in popular culture history. This update also has Canadiana, meaning that it makes reference points relevant to a cultural region of the NAFTA North American Union known as "Canada". This posting is also the fourth in a series of posts made in a series of posts made in the month of July 2008 that has a You Tube Video object embedded in the post.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Really Lazy July Post Number 8
July is a hot, muggy month heavy with heat and humidity, and I don't have air conditioning. So I'm bout to cool off and watch Cool As Ice! Everybody Get Loose! Hey, that sounds like another excuse to embed one of the You Tube video objects onto my webblog! Because this blog is like Vanilla Ice's threads: there's just too many damn words on it.
This is the 8th in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008. It is also the 3rd in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008 to include an embedded YouTube video.
This is the 8th in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008. It is also the 3rd in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008 to include an embedded YouTube video.
Wordy Dishco Action (July 2008 Post Seven)
You know the smooth sounds you heard in my last post? Gosh darn (note: first time minced oaths used in this post), it will be hard to follow up that smoothness. Imagination, why you have me so hypnotized?
Until I think of some way to follow up that avalanche of smooth soulful sound from Leee John and Imagination, I am going to help clog the Internet with more personal information. I got the idea to write about personal matters from almost every other weblog I ever looked at. My personal experiences are important to me because I experienced them directly with crystal-clear analog clarity using all five of my senses, and then interpreted them with a background of thousands of memories stored in millions of brain cells - and now you get to experience them vicariously through several hundred wildly inadequate words!
Anyway, these last few days and night I let dishes build up in the sink until I was forced to improvise with not-oft-used utensils like plastic scoops from cans of green vegetable powders and a scraper I used to stir spaghetti and sauce. Not a good situation, unless your goal in life is to use instruments of food preparation improperly. So tonight I'm tackling the dishes. Over 50% clean so far!
I applied for another student loan this year. My education has got me far enough along to not only wash dishes (involving lots of physics) and post You Tube videos on a Internet blog (involving lots of using a com-pu-tor), but also I can manage a student loan application! Might as well keep up with this learning!
And another thing: I saw a fucking beautiful wild owl yesterday. (It is worth using "fucking" in this paragraph. Fucking. Ok, that last one was completely super-fucking-fluous. And that one.) It flew out of the woods and up to the top of the tree, just to make its presence known.
Owls are symbolic of knowledge. Not only capable of seeing in the dark - perceiving through the darkness of ignorance - owls can also turn their heads 360 degrees - like a library, allowing them to perceive all there is around them. It is a little too weird that an owl flew out of the trees for me the day before starting my student loan application. (I started the application, not the owl. I mean, I started the application, but I didn't start the owl. I may have startled the owl, though.)
Sad personal news: I'm infatuated with someone I'd never have a chance with. I held out a fantasy that something would happen, but I found out the subject of my attraction is with another. That made me feel all weird in my chest. All this within days of seeing the owl and doing my student loan application. What does it all mean? If not nothing, then...
Wow, God hasn't talked to me this much for over 5 months. I'm not entirely sure about the message. I assume it's something like, "don't worry about unrequited earth love, the only real love is My love, so be less superficial and keep working on your brain and spirit, and oh look here's a cool predatory bird in a tree to tie all the threads together". Birds, by their ability to fly, also represent the possibility of escape from the earth, ie. the material world that has trapped me and largely prevents me from directly experiencing God's love. I don't think that doing dishes figures into the mix, though, unless I want to read baptism/cleansing into it somehow.
Well, that was a lot of time wasted adding personal balloon juice to the Internet Web Clogosphere, ranging from mundane anecdotes about cleaning chores and completing forms to sexual attractions to higher spiritual insights... or was it? Because along the way I think I found adequate content to follow up the last post!
This is the seventh in a series of clog/blog posts I am adding to the Internet in the month of July 2008. I am going to be foolhardy and click Blogger's Publish Post button now.
Until I think of some way to follow up that avalanche of smooth soulful sound from Leee John and Imagination, I am going to help clog the Internet with more personal information. I got the idea to write about personal matters from almost every other weblog I ever looked at. My personal experiences are important to me because I experienced them directly with crystal-clear analog clarity using all five of my senses, and then interpreted them with a background of thousands of memories stored in millions of brain cells - and now you get to experience them vicariously through several hundred wildly inadequate words!
Anyway, these last few days and night I let dishes build up in the sink until I was forced to improvise with not-oft-used utensils like plastic scoops from cans of green vegetable powders and a scraper I used to stir spaghetti and sauce. Not a good situation, unless your goal in life is to use instruments of food preparation improperly. So tonight I'm tackling the dishes. Over 50% clean so far!
I applied for another student loan this year. My education has got me far enough along to not only wash dishes (involving lots of physics) and post You Tube videos on a Internet blog (involving lots of using a com-pu-tor), but also I can manage a student loan application! Might as well keep up with this learning!
And another thing: I saw a fucking beautiful wild owl yesterday. (It is worth using "fucking" in this paragraph. Fucking. Ok, that last one was completely super-fucking-fluous. And that one.) It flew out of the woods and up to the top of the tree, just to make its presence known.
Owls are symbolic of knowledge. Not only capable of seeing in the dark - perceiving through the darkness of ignorance - owls can also turn their heads 360 degrees - like a library, allowing them to perceive all there is around them. It is a little too weird that an owl flew out of the trees for me the day before starting my student loan application. (I started the application, not the owl. I mean, I started the application, but I didn't start the owl. I may have startled the owl, though.)
Sad personal news: I'm infatuated with someone I'd never have a chance with. I held out a fantasy that something would happen, but I found out the subject of my attraction is with another. That made me feel all weird in my chest. All this within days of seeing the owl and doing my student loan application. What does it all mean? If not nothing, then...
Wow, God hasn't talked to me this much for over 5 months. I'm not entirely sure about the message. I assume it's something like, "don't worry about unrequited earth love, the only real love is My love, so be less superficial and keep working on your brain and spirit, and oh look here's a cool predatory bird in a tree to tie all the threads together". Birds, by their ability to fly, also represent the possibility of escape from the earth, ie. the material world that has trapped me and largely prevents me from directly experiencing God's love. I don't think that doing dishes figures into the mix, though, unless I want to read baptism/cleansing into it somehow.
Well, that was a lot of time wasted adding personal balloon juice to the Internet Web Clogosphere, ranging from mundane anecdotes about cleaning chores and completing forms to sexual attractions to higher spiritual insights... or was it? Because along the way I think I found adequate content to follow up the last post!
This is the seventh in a series of clog/blog posts I am adding to the Internet in the month of July 2008. I am going to be foolhardy and click Blogger's Publish Post button now.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Musical Interlude
This is the sixth (6th) in a series of blogging posts I am making, doing and smooth typing in the month of July 2008. I'll let Imagination do the talking, singing and soulful smoothing for me tonight:
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Number Five! Look Up
On Canadian televisions there used to be a children's program called The Friendly Giant, starring a Giant, a giraffe, a rooster, a drawbridge, and some miniature furniature in a castle. The show was about interior decoration because it revolved around The Giant rearranging the furniature every show. Sort of like how Coronation Street is about alcoholism. Anyway, you could tell The Giant was Friendly because he did not destroy the furniature nor did he slaughter the giraffee or the rooster. In fact, The Giant was quite amiable and amicable. However, the show might as well have been about inferior decoration because the furniature was rather sparse and Giant never really developed any good concepts. But the show was only 15 minutes long, and as Noam Chomsky has pointed out, it is difficult to challenge dominant ideas -i.e., dominant interior decoration ideas - in a short time frame, so maybe that was also part of Giant's limitations.
Production values also proved to be a barrier. To get around this, the Canadian state television hired mentally challenged camera operators at dirt cheap wages. However, they proved to be quite poor at remembering basic direction. Thus, every show the Giant would remind them to "Look Up, Look Way Up" to bring his mug into frame.
Well, I want you to Look Up, Look Way Up to the top of my blog: I've changed words up there! Now we see that this is now the "The funniest World's Most Blog you've never read on purpose"! Also, I've changed the title to "World's Moist Blog"! WTF does that mean?
The truth of it is, I have been misspelling "furniature" all wrong for the entirety of this post, and a more accurate account of The Friendly Giant can be found on the Internet.
This is magic number 5 in a series of posts I am making in the month of July, 2008.
Production values also proved to be a barrier. To get around this, the Canadian state television hired mentally challenged camera operators at dirt cheap wages. However, they proved to be quite poor at remembering basic direction. Thus, every show the Giant would remind them to "Look Up, Look Way Up" to bring his mug into frame.
Well, I want you to Look Up, Look Way Up to the top of my blog: I've changed words up there! Now we see that this is now the "The funniest World's Most Blog you've never read on purpose"! Also, I've changed the title to "World's Moist Blog"! WTF does that mean?
The truth of it is, I have been misspelling "furniature" all wrong for the entirety of this post, and a more accurate account of The Friendly Giant can be found on the Internet.
This is magic number 5 in a series of posts I am making in the month of July, 2008.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Desperation
Must... put... more... words... on... in... ter... net...
Must... compose... more... blog... content... with... words... and... ellipsis... abuse... before... it'... s... too... late...
Must... use... mouse... to... left-... click... Publish... Post... button... aaaahhhhhhh.
UPDATE: Obviously, this is the fourth in a series of web blogging posts I'm am doing in July of 2008. I neglected to mention that in the Title of this blog post because I was trying and failing very hard to be funny. Must... not... delete... embarrassingly... unfunny... web... blog... post...
Must... compose... more... blog... content... with... words... and... ellipsis... abuse... before... it'... s... too... late...
Must... use... mouse... to... left-... click... Publish... Post... button... aaaahhhhhhh.
UPDATE: Obviously, this is the fourth in a series of web blogging posts I'm am doing in July of 2008. I neglected to mention that in the Title of this blog post because I was trying and failing very hard to be funny. Must... not... delete... embarrassingly... unfunny... web... blog... post...
Recent Visitors: Third WebBlog Post of July 2008
This is the third in a series of blogging posts in July 2008. It is also the second in a series of blogging posts on July 11, 2008. I could go on. I could. Go on.
This is also the second in a series of paragraphs in this post where I go on.
I decided to ask StatCounter who has been visiting my site (I USE STATCOUNTER TO WATCH YOU). It turns out that I've had recent visitors! Let's go through them and embarrass them methodically, one by one.
As always, there's me! I've visited recently! Ok, I admit: I read this blog. You got me. I'm embarrassed.
Next up, we have Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada! Hello, Regina! I've been to Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada once upon a time. I couldn't find the Booster Juice - according to an internet maps program, I had to swim across Wascana lake to find it - so I went to Jugo Juice in the Cornwall mall instead. Yes: exciting things revolving around vegetable juice can happen in Regina. Wow, what a spellbinding narrative. Anyway, my visitor from Regina appears to be from within the bowels of the provincial telecommunications company, SaskTel! Hello, Sasktel! Stop making those terrible commercials someday.
And finally, it appears that we done wrangled us a reader who is either from the great state of Texas or the great state California. Hello, Texas/California! One of my readers comes from one of the largest States of the United States! Texas is known for oil drilling; California is known for swimming pools and movie stars. According to TV, when Hillbillies from Texas find oil, they move to California! The decision seems to defy logic: maybe that is the individualist, independent streak I've heard so much about in the American charicature. Anyhow, setting aside the logistics of industry and illustry, our big ol' reader from down south seems to have an interest in water, which is why they read my one and only blog posting about drinking water. Perhaps they were thirsty. Perhaps I will write another post about water someday.
Perhaps now I will bid you all a goodnight. Goodnight sweet me. Goodnight sweet Regina and sweet Texas/California. Goodnight sweet Connecticut, sweet Australia, sweet Google indexing bot. Someday, I will write another web blog posting for you. You'll know it, because it will be timestamped later than this one.
This is also the second in a series of paragraphs in this post where I go on.
I decided to ask StatCounter who has been visiting my site (I USE STATCOUNTER TO WATCH YOU). It turns out that I've had recent visitors! Let's go through them and embarrass them methodically, one by one.
As always, there's me! I've visited recently! Ok, I admit: I read this blog. You got me. I'm embarrassed.
Next up, we have Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada! Hello, Regina! I've been to Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada once upon a time. I couldn't find the Booster Juice - according to an internet maps program, I had to swim across Wascana lake to find it - so I went to Jugo Juice in the Cornwall mall instead. Yes: exciting things revolving around vegetable juice can happen in Regina. Wow, what a spellbinding narrative. Anyway, my visitor from Regina appears to be from within the bowels of the provincial telecommunications company, SaskTel! Hello, Sasktel! Stop making those terrible commercials someday.
And finally, it appears that we done wrangled us a reader who is either from the great state of Texas or the great state California. Hello, Texas/California! One of my readers comes from one of the largest States of the United States! Texas is known for oil drilling; California is known for swimming pools and movie stars. According to TV, when Hillbillies from Texas find oil, they move to California! The decision seems to defy logic: maybe that is the individualist, independent streak I've heard so much about in the American charicature. Anyhow, setting aside the logistics of industry and illustry, our big ol' reader from down south seems to have an interest in water, which is why they read my one and only blog posting about drinking water. Perhaps they were thirsty. Perhaps I will write another post about water someday.
Perhaps now I will bid you all a goodnight. Goodnight sweet me. Goodnight sweet Regina and sweet Texas/California. Goodnight sweet Connecticut, sweet Australia, sweet Google indexing bot. Someday, I will write another web blog posting for you. You'll know it, because it will be timestamped later than this one.
Second Lazy Yet Intimate Web Blog Post of July 2008
This blogger posting is part of a series of blog posts done in the month of July 2008. This text is in gray, sometimes known as grey. This is the first time I have used grey/gray text colour on the blog.
Can you imagine if I read this blog aloud? Yes, you can! If you have Text-To-Speech software installed on a computer somewhere, like on the internet computer you are using right now to look at the World's Most Blog, you can tell it to read the words that is comin' out of my blog and hear it in a variety of different voices! Imagine that I sound like Microsoft Sam! Now you know. Now you know! If you've imagined that you are listening to this blog read aloud by a TTS software application package, you are half-way to imagining me reading this aloud. Aloud. With italics.
But seriously, let's get personal. Allow me to reveal intimate informational details on the Internet: I have private parts. I have a computer connected to the Internet and I have private parts connected to my body. Through the magic of intelligent evolution and the magic of the computer revolution, I can magically use my fingers (also connected to my body... and sometimes connected to my private parts, yes, yes...) to inform you of these juicy details.
If you have private parts like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. If you don't have private parts like mine, but you have familiarized yourself with the private parts of someone else that are generally like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. Otherwise, you will have to use the corrupt, seedy Internet to research other private parts similar to mine. OMG I can't believe I just typed that! Imagine... if I read it out loud...
Wow, isn't it exciting to reveal intimate information on the internet for an international audience? What would be really interesting is if I used my private parts to enter an internet blog posting. That would make an interesting mememe, if anyone actually read this blog. Google Spider Program, would you care to spread this mememe for me?
I don't like that last paragraph in this online web log update. Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd paragraph I typed, this blog post fell apart into nonsense. In case you were wondering, this blog update was entered entirely using my fingers, not my private parts. And in case you were wondering, this is a different shade of grey/gray than was used at the top of this post, and also this is the first time I have ever used this shade of gray/grey on the blog.
Can you imagine if I read this blog aloud? Yes, you can! If you have Text-To-Speech software installed on a computer somewhere, like on the internet computer you are using right now to look at the World's Most Blog, you can tell it to read the words that is comin' out of my blog and hear it in a variety of different voices! Imagine that I sound like Microsoft Sam! Now you know. Now you know! If you've imagined that you are listening to this blog read aloud by a TTS software application package, you are half-way to imagining me reading this aloud. Aloud. With italics.
But seriously, let's get personal. Allow me to reveal intimate informational details on the Internet: I have private parts. I have a computer connected to the Internet and I have private parts connected to my body. Through the magic of intelligent evolution and the magic of the computer revolution, I can magically use my fingers (also connected to my body... and sometimes connected to my private parts, yes, yes...) to inform you of these juicy details.
If you have private parts like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. If you don't have private parts like mine, but you have familiarized yourself with the private parts of someone else that are generally like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. Otherwise, you will have to use the corrupt, seedy Internet to research other private parts similar to mine. OMG I can't believe I just typed that! Imagine... if I read it out loud...
Wow, isn't it exciting to reveal intimate information on the internet for an international audience? What would be really interesting is if I used my private parts to enter an internet blog posting. That would make an interesting mememe, if anyone actually read this blog. Google Spider Program, would you care to spread this mememe for me?
I don't like that last paragraph in this online web log update. Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd paragraph I typed, this blog post fell apart into nonsense. In case you were wondering, this blog update was entered entirely using my fingers, not my private parts. And in case you were wondering, this is a different shade of grey/gray than was used at the top of this post, and also this is the first time I have ever used this shade of gray/grey on the blog.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
First Lazy Webblog Post of July 2008
This was an autosaved Draft that Blogger saved. But I decided to post it as the first post of July 2008. There, now I have a logged post to update you and keep you posted about what may be relevantly web blogged here.
Words of July and the Future: The world is all ahead of you!
Words of July and the Future: The world is all ahead of you!
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