I made another blog entry

I typed more text onto my blog. This is it. Read it.

just a blip

blip

Stunt Breasts

This is either a really good idea or a really stupid idea.

CGI technology is at a point in movies where faces can be digitally added to stunt bodies. We saw this in the Wayans movie, Little Man, and in the Star Wars prequels, where Christopher Lee's face was added to the body of his stunt double to accomplish Count Doku's fight sequences.

Recently I watched Knocked Up for a second time, and it got me to thinking. I noticed that Katherine Heigl was wearing a bra during the sex scenes. In real life, nobody wears a bra during sex unless they are having sex in public. If you are having intercourse with someone in a private scenario like a bedroom, you are well beyond the point of being too bashful to reveal your nipples.*

So if they can digitally add faces to stunt bodies, why can't they digitally add stunt breasts to actresses during sex scenes? Katherine Heigl could have left her bra on during filming, and then stunts breasts could have been added during post-production. Heigl could still feel comfortable filming the scene, while the movie ended up being more believable.

* There are probably women who fetishize wearing bras, and men who fetishize women wearing bras. And I imagine there are a few women out there who leave their bras on just to make their sex life seem more cinematic.

Bad Poetry Is What I Need

It's been a long time since I blogged.
But now I've been blogging again.
It's been a long time
since I blogged.
It's been since way back when.

beacon post

blip

Special Blog Update For "Enjoy_Every_Sandwich" blogger!!!

This is in reply to a comment left at my last update.

First, thank you very much for leaving a comment on my weblog! You are first person who isn't me to leave a comment on my blog, only 3 months after my last update entry and only 9 months since the first ever post! To celebrate you typing words and pressing the "Publish Your Comment" button, I am going to be making this special blog post just for you!!!!

To answer your question: I enjoy Body Rock with an equal mix of 50% Irony and 50% Sincerity.

The Ironic enjoyment comes from the bad acting, bad script, cliche plot and miscast lead. Chilly's opening scene at the unemployment office has to be seen to be experienced. "I like to look fresshhhh..."

The Sincere enjoyment comes from the look, feel and sound of the 1980s hip-hop breakdancing scene; or at least, Hollywood's idealized version thereof. Some of the direction is OK, too: the first dance sequence is really quite good, and the colours in the movie are very bright and stimulating.

Also worth mentioning is the background of NYC skyscrapers. Especially nostalgic are the scenes of Chilly and Magick dancing at the World Trade Center. Most new movies are filmed in the unremarkable locations of Toronto and Vancouver.

I noticed you're from a nearby metropolitan area. I assume you must have discovered Body Rock at a Wal-Mart DVD bin for $5? I believe it is now out-of-print, so I regard my official copy as a collector's item.





Don't forget to study hard as a student of journalism. Check all your facts from 3 different credible sources (e.g., Wikipedia, the Internet and YouTube comments). Soon you will be out there writing the first draft of history. Come to think of it, you already are!

Giga Update

Whenever I am away from the Blog, I think of cool things to write. But as soon as I sit in front of the Blog inpu box, I can't think of anything interesting to tell to you. Therefore, this is all you get.

I will try to accompany myself with a paper-form idea-capturing device as a blog pre-write "cache" for those times when I am not at one of these idea-communicating yet idea-suppressing computer peripherals.

World Record Update

New world record: longest span between two online weblog postings.

All I can tell you is that I'm standing on one foot, but still clapping with both hands.

The Burl Ives Post

Sometimes I can't think of anything interesting to write and/or blog about. This time is one of those times. It's times like these times that the following are together useful in generating online blog content:

1. personal musical preferences; and,
2. YouTube embedded object technology.

Point being: The Fox is one of my favourite folk songs, especially as sung by Burl Ives.



I think the Odetta version is pretty good, too, if you like something a little more lively. (Perhaps I should have called this blog update "The Fox Post" or "The Burl Ives/Odetta Post".)

Text Character Entry Blogistics

NOTE: Unless otherwise noted, all of the letters and words and digits and other character text glyphs you are seeing that is coming out of my blog onto your computer screen was generated when I told my brain to tell my hands: "press buttons on a computer typing keyboard." Should an electronic or non-electronic tool (or non-tool) other than a computer typing keyboard be used to drop my deep vocabulary into these World's Most content boxes, I will make note of it and you'll be the first to know of it.

NOTE: All text on this part of the Internet is used to signify the existence of content here. The author is not responsible for the other part.

NOTE: All of the time, a clicking mouse was used when I told my brain to give you the finger on the right mouse button to "Save Now" in Blogger Create Post. Can you imagine if there was no Create Post? The blog would not have any posts! AAAAAHHHHH! Consider the thing!!! In the future, some of the time, a clicking mouse may not be used to "Save Now".

NOTE: Because I told my brain to tell digits and muscles and tendons (the levers and hydrolics of the human arms) to manipulate information entry devices to create the blogging content, all original blog content is the property of my soul. Weird! All unoriginal content on this blog does not belong to my soul. Huh?

A Loss Of Innocence Post

A loss of innocence occurs at a point in time when you were innocent before that point in time and not innocent after that point in time.

There are a lot of ways to gain a loss of innocence. One way is to lose your virginity. Another way is to drink some alcohol (ethanol) for the very first time. Yet another way is when a pet dies.

Up until this point in time, I have been innocent of making a post about losing innocence. I think it's about a point int time where I learn about the blogs and the bees and how to go forward and lose such innocence.

A loss of innocence is notable because you realize things will never be like they were before the loss. Say you lose your dominant arm and realize you will never write again. You have lost the innocence that you would be dominantly armful forever. Now you are dominantly armless. See what I mean?

But those aren't really very interesting ways for an innocent person to lose some innocence. What about the time I discovered when You Tube videos don't last forever? That was a heavy burden to bear.

The video in question was a comedy rap music video by Howie Mandel called "I Do The Watusi". I found it on a blog and remembered fondly hearing it a few times when it was released back in the 1980s. I added it to my You Tubes favourites section. I thought it would exist forever.

NOT TO BE! One day I went looking for it because it has funny lines like "a stinky turtle bites you in the ear". It was gone! I went back to the blog where I found it. NO! It turns out that when a You Tube video object disappears, it disappears from all the blogs, too!

I wasn't there when the library of Alexandria burned down, but I imagine my shock and dismay was a microcosmic twin of that experienced by Alexandria Library card holders.

So, everything seems hopeless. Fortunately, loss of innocence is always an unwitting yet fruitful sacrifice; in return, God provides something even more valuable in exchange: wisdom. I decided to use this newfound wisdom to enter search words into Youtube's video search feature text box and I found another copy of the old video! And here it is! (Note: the music video starts 4 minutes and 5 seconds into the You Tube Object.)

I Let Statcounter Decide

According to Little Brother Stat Counter, I have a repeat reader!!!* I am going to play nice, not reveal where they are from and refrain from embarrassing them - because that's mean. Their presence has been previously documented on this Internet blog.

Wow, this is boring content. This online blog post will not make it into my theorized Best Of list, which I have no plan on making.

Let's pretend that I actually wrote something that made you excited, made you angry, made you think and/or made you cry. Stare at this post intently for at least 5 minutes and visualize whatever imagery you feel is most resonant to your deepest being, transforming you into your ideal self and transporting you to the archetypal times and places where you would feel most alive.

Now it's no longer my responsibility if you find this blog update boring.

* Not counting myself, who is also a repeat reader.

Nitpicking The Chipmunks

If you're the kind of person who likes obscure, esoteric, and ridiculous minutae, have I got the blog post for you!

You probably know who or what The Chipmunks are as a novelty popular music cultural phenomenon. If you don't know this, here, allow me to make an Internet link to the Wikipedia page. When you right-click your right mouse button on the URL link, a Wikipedia page will fill your Internet Web Browser with information about The Chipmunks. You can then recycle this information in conversations with your unsuspecting victim(s); or you can keep the information in your brain bank and allow it to marinate and simmer like a cooking analogy where I compare the absorption of Chipmunk information to food preparation. The Chipmunks.

If you read this post and later find yourself in a conversation with someone who tries to regurgitate (note: continuing the food analogy there) the Wikipedia Chipmunk information at you, now you have the power of forethought to tell them: "You are making audio vibrations from your mouth that sound remarkably like Wikipedia information about The Chipmunks. Why don't you just tell me to go read Wikipedia? Is any of the content of this conversation actually relevant to anything other than fulfilling the ritualistic act of social interaction?"

So I looked at the label on the vinyl LP of A Chipmunk Christmas and noted that the time listed for the very last track of side 2 (two), We Wish You A Merry Christmas, as "6:34" (six minutes and thirty-four seconds). Well, that is COMPLETELY FALSE. In actuality, the track appears to be slightly less than 2 minutes.

Therefore, there is a mistake on the label of the A Chipmunk Christmas vinyl record. Until this time, you were probably unaware that this mistake existed. It was relatively original information. Now this mistake will be recorded in your brain synaptic connections and the next time you have a conversation about either The Chipmunks, mistakes on record labels, or both, this information may come to the surface of your consciousness. You can then blurt it out, and your conversation will stretch on even further. Other than conversation-stretching, this new information I've brought to light in the blogosphere is utterly useless.

The Slim Whitman Post

One thing personal life bloggers often document in the content of their personal life blogs is a taste in music. Everyone listens to music. Everyone has to listen to music, unless they are deaf, because music is played almost everywhere these days. Eventually, most people come to detect patterns in all that din and shortly thereafter they begin rank the patterns in order of preference. So I'm going to indulge in a little bit of that myself in the next paragraph.

With a few exceptions, I don't like country music. The patterns I detect in country music, by and large, do not resonate with me and don't cause the formation of particularly exciting patters of electrical activity in my brain. So it is a fittingly Divine irony that my favourite singer is from a genre I don't like. It is also another fittingly Divine irony that he is a male falsetto. It is also yet another fittingly Divine irony that he yodels, a vocal style in the dorky zone with belching death metal grunts and beatboxing. So, who the fuck am I talking about anyway?

Slim Whitman. He has one of the most beautiful voices imaginable. I don't have much more to add to that. It's like the tiniest glimpse of the sounds of the afterlife. His most beautiful number ever recorded is a version of Cattle Call, but they don't have that over at the You Tube website, so I'm going to embed a YouTube object featuring a live version of Rose Marie.

The Exact Same Album

Have you ever watched musicians, such as a rock band or a pop band or a power-rop band, on tour or otherwise promoting a new record album while they are being interviewed by a music interviewer? Often the journalist asks of the band the following information: how is the new album different than the last album?

Often the band will reply with something along the lines of that they have grown since the last album, or they used keyboards, or they worked with some producer, or they used a D.J. with turn-tables, or blah blah blah. My favourite is when they say this new album is "more melodic".

But... what if the album wasn't different?

What if... what if it was the exact same record album with the exact same songs?

And what if the band's answer was... "Nothing. Nothing is different from the previous album. All of the songs are the same and in the same order. We may or may not have re-recorded them. Even the cover art is the same, except for perhaps a different title change. We basically released the exact same album again, just to stimy music reporters on this boilerplate interview question."

Why... don't I ever see that? Would a rock-type band please release the exact same record just to make everyone angry and confused, and make me laff?

When you do, please title your new record "The Exact Same Record We Did Last Time" and put me on the credits. Please refer to me as World's Most Blogger but add in a clever, mischievious "nickname" like bands often do in their stupid credits. My nickname could be a reference to condoms or whiskey or some other rock-or-roll trapping. How about World's Most 'Jack Daniels Trojan' Blogger? And I would also appreciate it if you would apologize for not including me on the credits of the previous, original music album.

Now that I mention it, not including me in the credits of the previous album would be one of the differences!

This post does not require a You Tube object. If a blogging journalist interviewer-type asks me: "what is different between this post and your last post", I will refer to the lack of Youtube video object. Also I will to credit you, the reader, as World's Most 'Jim Beam Durex' Blog Reader.

This Blog Is More Than Just Embedded YouTube Objects, I Swear

You are STARVING for more blogging postings from me! The Show Must Go On!!!

A personal blogger is supposed to tell the International Internet what he/sh/it is up to. One word: Spinach! I planted spinach and it is excellent! I eat the spinach and it gives me the strength, the INCREDIBLE STRENGTH to make these incredible web blog updates!

My spinach also gives me the strength, determination and stamina to add more YouTube HypoText Made-Up Language (HTMUL) to my blog!

Post Twelve: Long Time, No See Protocol

Sometimes I think about protocol. A series of steps goes through my mind.

For instance, here's a protocol I know about: what you do when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time.

I'm not sure how to define "long time". One quarter, i.e. 3 months? Is that long enough? A semester? 12 months? One year or more? These are parameters that must be defined and agreed upon between the parties. Gosh, human relations are fun.

First of all, you must act surprised to see the person. I think the reason you are supposed to act surprised, aside from it being a behaviour expected, is that you were not expecting to see them. Statistically, because you hadn't seen them for so long, it seemed very unlikely that you would see them again. (Psychologists probably have a word for this. They probably came up with the word while applying electric shocks to animals, so I won't bother looking it up.)

Second, you have to act interested in what they have been doing with themselves. Mainly, you are interested in what they have done between a) the last time you saw them, and b) the present. You are interested in an abstract summary, particularly from a financial or human resources perspective, e.g. what have they been working on and have they created any new humans for the labour pool. You want to avoid minutae, e.g. the person may have shit in a toilet at least once daily since you last saw them but that is not a good topic. (Unless perhaps you were an oncologist who helped them beat colorectal cancer.)

Third, you have to reminisce about "old times". "Old times" may be defined as shared events that occured in the timespan between a) the time your first saw them ever and b) the last time you saw them. These "old times" occured when you were younger and less bitter about everything. At the time, you did not know that after life had revealed its hyped-up, superficial mysteries to you, you would discover what it really is: an absurd and unimaginable prison; a simulacrum smothering your senses to keep you from God; a place where you pay incessant monthly bills keeping your body comfortable with adequate food and shelter while you wait for its collapse. At amusement parks, you pay to go on rides that make you vomit; on the ride called life, you merely pay for the feeling of nausea and disorientation.

And that's what you do when you see someone you haven't seen for a long time. Now I am going to go take a shit and go to sleep. If I haven't seen you for a long time, here's what I've been up to: sleeping 6-8 hours/day; shitting daily; generally self-preserving while waiting for my end; and only getting the briefest glimpses of Divinity - sometimes I think they serve merely to remind me that I am in bland hell.

This has been the most depressing post ever written on World's Most Blog to date. It is also the twelth (12lth) in a series of updates made in July 2008. Just as there is no point to most things in life, there was no point enumerating these posted updates. Here now is another You Tube embedded video object. Because I think in a boring linear way, the videos content reflects a sentiment opposite that of this blog post.

July 2008 Post Number Eleven: World's Most Blog In Space!

I forgot to mention that the last update was number 10. I also did not give it a sub-title. How about... "In the Hood"? "The Beginning"? I like "The Final Beginning"... because that is paradoxical!

There was a movie called Ocean's Eleven. It starred Frank Sinatra, George Clooney, and probably someone else. People watched it. And now I present World's Most Blog July 2008 Post Eleven!

You probably didn't memorize every single cast member of Ocean's Eleven because you were too busy playing with your finger up your ass during the credits. If you are a heterosexual male, then I am going to challenge your masculinity by accusing you of being so aroused by Brad Pitt, Cesar Romero and the rest of those heisty hunks that it made you spelunk your digits up into your rectum and tickle your prostate in an oh so fey way. And because you tired yourself out, now you want me to hand your lazy fucking ass a link on a decorative, homosexual silver platter because it will save you time typing words into a Internet searching engine. "Oh, I'm so tired and lazy, oh, please, World's Most Blogger, please, can you give me an easy link so I only have to make a minimum of one (1) left-mouse-click to access a list of Ocean's Eleven cast members? Oh, because my finger is so tired from playing with my ass that I've developed painful Repetitive Stress Injury." Okay, if it will save your mouse from smelling even more like shit, here's the link.

I apologize immediately for the verbal abuse and foul language in the previous paragraph. It will not happen for the rest of this posted update.

I had another point for making this post. Look at me, abusing my readership right when I should be announcing: I got two (2) new readers! I know because I WATCH YOU ALL WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER, STAT COUNTER!

One of my new readers hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Hello, Calgary! Yee-haw! Calgary is full of cattle and oil! Calgary has the Flames and the Herald and the urban sprawwwwl and the Calaway Park! Calgary has a lot of assets worth plenty of billions of dollars, but the most important fact I know about Calgary is that it has its first World's Most Blog reader! Whoever you are, YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1!

Next up, is Prince George, British Columbia. Welcome! I don't know much about Prince George. The most important detail about Prince George is that a Prince Georgian has read a post on my blog. I could learn more of their municipal statistics, but instead I went to You Tube and discovered that Prince George has so much more to offer, like suicidal downhill couch racing and sexy bikini gardening! And what I coincidence: time for more You Tube objects on the blog!

Ways In Which This Blog Helps You With Basic Survival

Food: ...
Water: ...
Shelter: ...
Clothing: ...

However, if you only required hastily arranged internet word text to sustain your body at nominal health, this blog would probably do.

The Ninth Post: Even Less To Blog About

I was told by Canadian TV that because I have a blog, I am supposed to write something about the band Bare Naked Ladies. If you don't know what The Bare Naked Ladies is, you should maybe learn to use a searching engine which will locate more useful information for you than you will find in this online blog update. This is a "personal" blog, and while it is a World's Most Blog, it is not at all a tutorial on finding words on the Internet.

I don't listen to The Bare Naked Ladies. One of them has a "reality" TV show where he does bad jobs, and while that sounds like an interesting reality premise, I've only watched the reality commercials for it. Once they made a song about Kraft Dinner, but for me it it was more entertaining when Terrence & Phillip ate Kraft Dinner.

I am not sure if The Bare Naked Ladies band ever made a cover song of George Benson's "Give Me The Night", but a Ferrero Rocher commercial did! Although Ferrero Rocher is not much better than Bare Naked Ladies, Kraft Dinner is much better as is the original by George Benson.



I hope you liked this post, which is the ninth (9th) in a series of update made in the month of July 2008. This post also the first in a series of one update to have topical commentary on an extremely ephermeral event in popular culture history. This update also has Canadiana, meaning that it makes reference points relevant to a cultural region of the NAFTA North American Union known as "Canada". This posting is also the fourth in a series of posts made in a series of posts made in the month of July 2008 that has a You Tube Video object embedded in the post.