Whenever I am away from the Blog, I think of cool things to write. But as soon as I sit in front of the Blog inpu box, I can't think of anything interesting to tell to you. Therefore, this is all you get.
I will try to accompany myself with a paper-form idea-capturing device as a blog pre-write "cache" for those times when I am not at one of these idea-communicating yet idea-suppressing computer peripherals.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
World Record Update
New world record: longest span between two online weblog postings.
All I can tell you is that I'm standing on one foot, but still clapping with both hands.
All I can tell you is that I'm standing on one foot, but still clapping with both hands.
Friday, August 8, 2008
The Burl Ives Post
Sometimes I can't think of anything interesting to write and/or blog about. This time is one of those times. It's times like these times that the following are together useful in generating online blog content:
I think the Odetta version is pretty good, too, if you like something a little more lively. (Perhaps I should have called this blog update "The Fox Post" or "The Burl Ives/Odetta Post".)
- personal musical preferences; and,
- YouTube embedded object technology.
I think the Odetta version is pretty good, too, if you like something a little more lively. (Perhaps I should have called this blog update "The Fox Post" or "The Burl Ives/Odetta Post".)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Text Character Entry Blogistics
NOTE: Unless otherwise noted, all of the letters and words and digits and other character text glyphs you are seeing that is coming out of my blog onto your computer screen was generated when I told my brain to tell my hands: "press buttons on a computer typing keyboard." Should an electronic or non-electronic tool (or non-tool) other than a computer typing keyboard be used to drop my deep vocabulary into these World's Most content boxes, I will make note of it and you'll be the first to know of it.
NOTE: All text on this part of the Internet is used to signify the existence of content here. The author is not responsible for the other part.
NOTE: All of the time, a clicking mouse was used when I told my brain to give you the finger on the right mouse button to "Save Now" in Blogger Create Post. Can you imagine if there was no Create Post? The blog would not have any posts! AAAAAHHHHH! Consider the thing!!! In the future, some of the time, a clicking mouse may not be used to "Save Now".
NOTE: Because I told my brain to tell digits and muscles and tendons (the levers and hydrolics of the human arms) to manipulate information entry devices to create the blogging content, all original blog content is the property of my soul. Weird! All unoriginal content on this blog does not belong to my soul. Huh?
NOTE: All text on this part of the Internet is used to signify the existence of content here. The author is not responsible for the other part.
NOTE: All of the time, a clicking mouse was used when I told my brain to give you the finger on the right mouse button to "Save Now" in Blogger Create Post. Can you imagine if there was no Create Post? The blog would not have any posts! AAAAAHHHHH! Consider the thing!!! In the future, some of the time, a clicking mouse may not be used to "Save Now".
NOTE: Because I told my brain to tell digits and muscles and tendons (the levers and hydrolics of the human arms) to manipulate information entry devices to create the blogging content, all original blog content is the property of my soul. Weird! All unoriginal content on this blog does not belong to my soul. Huh?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
A Loss Of Innocence Post
A loss of innocence occurs at a point in time when you were innocent before that point in time and not innocent after that point in time.
There are a lot of ways to gain a loss of innocence. One way is to lose your virginity. Another way is to drink some alcohol (ethanol) for the very first time. Yet another way is when a pet dies.
Up until this point in time, I have been innocent of making a post about losing innocence. I think it's about a point int time where I learn about the blogs and the bees and how to go forward and lose such innocence.
A loss of innocence is notable because you realize things will never be like they were before the loss. Say you lose your dominant arm and realize you will never write again. You have lost the innocence that you would be dominantly armful forever. Now you are dominantly armless. See what I mean?
But those aren't really very interesting ways for an innocent person to lose some innocence. What about the time I discovered when You Tube videos don't last forever? That was a heavy burden to bear.
The video in question was a comedy rap music video by Howie Mandel called "I Do The Watusi". I found it on a blog and remembered fondly hearing it a few times when it was released back in the 1980s. I added it to my You Tubes favourites section. I thought it would exist forever.
NOT TO BE! One day I went looking for it because it has funny lines like "a stinky turtle bites you in the ear". It was gone! I went back to the blog where I found it. NO! It turns out that when a You Tube video object disappears, it disappears from all the blogs, too!
I wasn't there when the library of Alexandria burned down, but I imagine my shock and dismay was a microcosmic twin of that experienced by Alexandria Library card holders.
So, everything seems hopeless. Fortunately, loss of innocence is always an unwitting yet fruitful sacrifice; in return, God provides something even more valuable in exchange: wisdom. I decided to use this newfound wisdom to enter search words into Youtube's video search feature text box and I found another copy of the old video! And here it is! (Note: the music video starts 4 minutes and 5 seconds into the You Tube Object.)
There are a lot of ways to gain a loss of innocence. One way is to lose your virginity. Another way is to drink some alcohol (ethanol) for the very first time. Yet another way is when a pet dies.
Up until this point in time, I have been innocent of making a post about losing innocence. I think it's about a point int time where I learn about the blogs and the bees and how to go forward and lose such innocence.
A loss of innocence is notable because you realize things will never be like they were before the loss. Say you lose your dominant arm and realize you will never write again. You have lost the innocence that you would be dominantly armful forever. Now you are dominantly armless. See what I mean?
But those aren't really very interesting ways for an innocent person to lose some innocence. What about the time I discovered when You Tube videos don't last forever? That was a heavy burden to bear.
The video in question was a comedy rap music video by Howie Mandel called "I Do The Watusi". I found it on a blog and remembered fondly hearing it a few times when it was released back in the 1980s. I added it to my You Tubes favourites section. I thought it would exist forever.
NOT TO BE! One day I went looking for it because it has funny lines like "a stinky turtle bites you in the ear". It was gone! I went back to the blog where I found it. NO! It turns out that when a You Tube video object disappears, it disappears from all the blogs, too!
I wasn't there when the library of Alexandria burned down, but I imagine my shock and dismay was a microcosmic twin of that experienced by Alexandria Library card holders.
So, everything seems hopeless. Fortunately, loss of innocence is always an unwitting yet fruitful sacrifice; in return, God provides something even more valuable in exchange: wisdom. I decided to use this newfound wisdom to enter search words into Youtube's video search feature text box and I found another copy of the old video! And here it is! (Note: the music video starts 4 minutes and 5 seconds into the You Tube Object.)
Friday, August 1, 2008
I Let Statcounter Decide
According to Little Brother Stat Counter, I have a repeat reader!!!* I am going to play nice, not reveal where they are from and refrain from embarrassing them - because that's mean. Their presence has been previously documented on this Internet blog.
Wow, this is boring content. This online blog post will not make it into my theorized Best Of list, which I have no plan on making.
Let's pretend that I actually wrote something that made you excited, made you angry, made you think and/or made you cry. Stare at this post intently for at least 5 minutes and visualize whatever imagery you feel is most resonant to your deepest being, transforming you into your ideal self and transporting you to the archetypal times and places where you would feel most alive.
Now it's no longer my responsibility if you find this blog update boring.
* Not counting myself, who is also a repeat reader.
Wow, this is boring content. This online blog post will not make it into my theorized Best Of list, which I have no plan on making.
Let's pretend that I actually wrote something that made you excited, made you angry, made you think and/or made you cry. Stare at this post intently for at least 5 minutes and visualize whatever imagery you feel is most resonant to your deepest being, transforming you into your ideal self and transporting you to the archetypal times and places where you would feel most alive.
Now it's no longer my responsibility if you find this blog update boring.
* Not counting myself, who is also a repeat reader.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Nitpicking The Chipmunks
If you're the kind of person who likes obscure, esoteric, and ridiculous minutae, have I got the blog post for you!
You probably know who or what The Chipmunks are as a novelty popular music cultural phenomenon. If you don't know this, here, allow me to make an Internet link to the Wikipedia page. When you right-click your right mouse button on the URL link, a Wikipedia page will fill your Internet Web Browser with information about The Chipmunks. You can then recycle this information in conversations with your unsuspecting victim(s); or you can keep the information in your brain bank and allow it to marinate and simmer like a cooking analogy where I compare the absorption of Chipmunk information to food preparation. The Chipmunks.
If you read this post and later find yourself in a conversation with someone who tries to regurgitate (note: continuing the food analogy there) the Wikipedia Chipmunk information at you, now you have the power of forethought to tell them: "You are making audio vibrations from your mouth that sound remarkably like Wikipedia information about The Chipmunks. Why don't you just tell me to go read Wikipedia? Is any of the content of this conversation actually relevant to anything other than fulfilling the ritualistic act of social interaction?"
So I looked at the label on the vinyl LP of A Chipmunk Christmas and noted that the time listed for the very last track of side 2 (two), We Wish You A Merry Christmas, as "6:34" (six minutes and thirty-four seconds). Well, that is COMPLETELY FALSE. In actuality, the track appears to be slightly less than 2 minutes.
Therefore, there is a mistake on the label of the A Chipmunk Christmas vinyl record. Until this time, you were probably unaware that this mistake existed. It was relatively original information. Now this mistake will be recorded in your brain synaptic connections and the next time you have a conversation about either The Chipmunks, mistakes on record labels, or both, this information may come to the surface of your consciousness. You can then blurt it out, and your conversation will stretch on even further. Other than conversation-stretching, this new information I've brought to light in the blogosphere is utterly useless.
You probably know who or what The Chipmunks are as a novelty popular music cultural phenomenon. If you don't know this, here, allow me to make an Internet link to the Wikipedia page. When you right-click your right mouse button on the URL link, a Wikipedia page will fill your Internet Web Browser with information about The Chipmunks. You can then recycle this information in conversations with your unsuspecting victim(s); or you can keep the information in your brain bank and allow it to marinate and simmer like a cooking analogy where I compare the absorption of Chipmunk information to food preparation. The Chipmunks.
If you read this post and later find yourself in a conversation with someone who tries to regurgitate (note: continuing the food analogy there) the Wikipedia Chipmunk information at you, now you have the power of forethought to tell them: "You are making audio vibrations from your mouth that sound remarkably like Wikipedia information about The Chipmunks. Why don't you just tell me to go read Wikipedia? Is any of the content of this conversation actually relevant to anything other than fulfilling the ritualistic act of social interaction?"
So I looked at the label on the vinyl LP of A Chipmunk Christmas and noted that the time listed for the very last track of side 2 (two), We Wish You A Merry Christmas, as "6:34" (six minutes and thirty-four seconds). Well, that is COMPLETELY FALSE. In actuality, the track appears to be slightly less than 2 minutes.
Therefore, there is a mistake on the label of the A Chipmunk Christmas vinyl record. Until this time, you were probably unaware that this mistake existed. It was relatively original information. Now this mistake will be recorded in your brain synaptic connections and the next time you have a conversation about either The Chipmunks, mistakes on record labels, or both, this information may come to the surface of your consciousness. You can then blurt it out, and your conversation will stretch on even further. Other than conversation-stretching, this new information I've brought to light in the blogosphere is utterly useless.
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Slim Whitman Post
One thing personal life bloggers often document in the content of their personal life blogs is a taste in music. Everyone listens to music. Everyone has to listen to music, unless they are deaf, because music is played almost everywhere these days. Eventually, most people come to detect patterns in all that din and shortly thereafter they begin rank the patterns in order of preference. So I'm going to indulge in a little bit of that myself in the next paragraph.
With a few exceptions, I don't like country music. The patterns I detect in country music, by and large, do not resonate with me and don't cause the formation of particularly exciting patters of electrical activity in my brain. So it is a fittingly Divine irony that my favourite singer is from a genre I don't like. It is also another fittingly Divine irony that he is a male falsetto. It is also yet another fittingly Divine irony that he yodels, a vocal style in the dorky zone with belching death metal grunts and beatboxing. So, who the fuck am I talking about anyway?
Slim Whitman. He has one of the most beautiful voices imaginable. I don't have much more to add to that. It's like the tiniest glimpse of the sounds of the afterlife. His most beautiful number ever recorded is a version of Cattle Call, but they don't have that over at the You Tube website, so I'm going to embed a YouTube object featuring a live version of Rose Marie.
With a few exceptions, I don't like country music. The patterns I detect in country music, by and large, do not resonate with me and don't cause the formation of particularly exciting patters of electrical activity in my brain. So it is a fittingly Divine irony that my favourite singer is from a genre I don't like. It is also another fittingly Divine irony that he is a male falsetto. It is also yet another fittingly Divine irony that he yodels, a vocal style in the dorky zone with belching death metal grunts and beatboxing. So, who the fuck am I talking about anyway?
Slim Whitman. He has one of the most beautiful voices imaginable. I don't have much more to add to that. It's like the tiniest glimpse of the sounds of the afterlife. His most beautiful number ever recorded is a version of Cattle Call, but they don't have that over at the You Tube website, so I'm going to embed a YouTube object featuring a live version of Rose Marie.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The Exact Same Album
Have you ever watched musicians, such as a rock band or a pop band or a power-rop band, on tour or otherwise promoting a new record album while they are being interviewed by a music interviewer? Often the journalist asks of the band the following information: how is the new album different than the last album?
Often the band will reply with something along the lines of that they have grown since the last album, or they used keyboards, or they worked with some producer, or they used a D.J. with turn-tables, or blah blah blah. My favourite is when they say this new album is "more melodic".
But... what if the album wasn't different?
What if... what if it was the exact same record album with the exact same songs?
And what if the band's answer was... "Nothing. Nothing is different from the previous album. All of the songs are the same and in the same order. We may or may not have re-recorded them. Even the cover art is the same, except for perhaps a different title change. We basically released the exact same album again, just to stimy music reporters on this boilerplate interview question."
Why... don't I ever see that? Would a rock-type band please release the exact same record just to make everyone angry and confused, and make me laff?
When you do, please title your new record "The Exact Same Record We Did Last Time" and put me on the credits. Please refer to me as World's Most Blogger but add in a clever, mischievious "nickname" like bands often do in their stupid credits. My nickname could be a reference to condoms or whiskey or some other rock-or-roll trapping. How about World's Most 'Jack Daniels Trojan' Blogger? And I would also appreciate it if you would apologize for not including me on the credits of the previous, original music album.
Now that I mention it, not including me in the credits of the previous album would be one of the differences!
This post does not require a You Tube object. If a blogging journalist interviewer-type asks me: "what is different between this post and your last post", I will refer to the lack of Youtube video object. Also I will to credit you, the reader, as World's Most 'Jim Beam Durex' Blog Reader.
Often the band will reply with something along the lines of that they have grown since the last album, or they used keyboards, or they worked with some producer, or they used a D.J. with turn-tables, or blah blah blah. My favourite is when they say this new album is "more melodic".
But... what if the album wasn't different?
What if... what if it was the exact same record album with the exact same songs?
And what if the band's answer was... "Nothing. Nothing is different from the previous album. All of the songs are the same and in the same order. We may or may not have re-recorded them. Even the cover art is the same, except for perhaps a different title change. We basically released the exact same album again, just to stimy music reporters on this boilerplate interview question."
Why... don't I ever see that? Would a rock-type band please release the exact same record just to make everyone angry and confused, and make me laff?
When you do, please title your new record "The Exact Same Record We Did Last Time" and put me on the credits. Please refer to me as World's Most Blogger but add in a clever, mischievious "nickname" like bands often do in their stupid credits. My nickname could be a reference to condoms or whiskey or some other rock-or-roll trapping. How about World's Most 'Jack Daniels Trojan' Blogger? And I would also appreciate it if you would apologize for not including me on the credits of the previous, original music album.
Now that I mention it, not including me in the credits of the previous album would be one of the differences!
This post does not require a You Tube object. If a blogging journalist interviewer-type asks me: "what is different between this post and your last post", I will refer to the lack of Youtube video object. Also I will to credit you, the reader, as World's Most 'Jim Beam Durex' Blog Reader.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
This Blog Is More Than Just Embedded YouTube Objects, I Swear
You are STARVING for more blogging postings from me! The Show Must Go On!!!
A personal blogger is supposed to tell the International Internet what he/sh/it is up to. One word: Spinach! I planted spinach and it is excellent! I eat the spinach and it gives me the strength, the INCREDIBLE STRENGTH to make these incredible web blog updates!
My spinach also gives me the strength, determination and stamina to add more YouTube HypoText Made-Up Language (HTMUL) to my blog!
A personal blogger is supposed to tell the International Internet what he/sh/it is up to. One word: Spinach! I planted spinach and it is excellent! I eat the spinach and it gives me the strength, the INCREDIBLE STRENGTH to make these incredible web blog updates!
My spinach also gives me the strength, determination and stamina to add more YouTube HypoText Made-Up Language (HTMUL) to my blog!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Post Twelve: Long Time, No See Protocol
Sometimes I think about protocol. A series of steps goes through my mind.
For instance, here's a protocol I know about: what you do when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time.
I'm not sure how to define "long time". One quarter, i.e. 3 months? Is that long enough? A semester? 12 months? One year or more? These are parameters that must be defined and agreed upon between the parties. Gosh, human relations are fun.
First of all, you must act surprised to see the person. I think the reason you are supposed to act surprised, aside from it being a behaviour expected, is that you were not expecting to see them. Statistically, because you hadn't seen them for so long, it seemed very unlikely that you would see them again. (Psychologists probably have a word for this. They probably came up with the word while applying electric shocks to animals, so I won't bother looking it up.)
Second, you have to act interested in what they have been doing with themselves. Mainly, you are interested in what they have done between a) the last time you saw them, and b) the present. You are interested in an abstract summary, particularly from a financial or human resources perspective, e.g. what have they been working on and have they created any new humans for the labour pool. You want to avoid minutae, e.g. the person may have shit in a toilet at least once daily since you last saw them but that is not a good topic. (Unless perhaps you were an oncologist who helped them beat colorectal cancer.)
Third, you have to reminisce about "old times". "Old times" may be defined as shared events that occured in the timespan between a) the time your first saw them ever and b) the last time you saw them. These "old times" occured when you were younger and less bitter about everything. At the time, you did not know that after life had revealed its hyped-up, superficial mysteries to you, you would discover what it really is: an absurd and unimaginable prison; a simulacrum smothering your senses to keep you from God; a place where you pay incessant monthly bills keeping your body comfortable with adequate food and shelter while you wait for its collapse. At amusement parks, you pay to go on rides that make you vomit; on the ride called life, you merely pay for the feeling of nausea and disorientation.
And that's what you do when you see someone you haven't seen for a long time. Now I am going to go take a shit and go to sleep. If I haven't seen you for a long time, here's what I've been up to: sleeping 6-8 hours/day; shitting daily; generally self-preserving while waiting for my end; and only getting the briefest glimpses of Divinity - sometimes I think they serve merely to remind me that I am in bland hell.
This has been the most depressing post ever written on World's Most Blog to date. It is also the twelth (12lth) in a series of updates made in July 2008. Just as there is no point to most things in life, there was no point enumerating these posted updates. Here now is another You Tube embedded video object. Because I think in a boring linear way, the videos content reflects a sentiment opposite that of this blog post.
For instance, here's a protocol I know about: what you do when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time.
I'm not sure how to define "long time". One quarter, i.e. 3 months? Is that long enough? A semester? 12 months? One year or more? These are parameters that must be defined and agreed upon between the parties. Gosh, human relations are fun.
First of all, you must act surprised to see the person. I think the reason you are supposed to act surprised, aside from it being a behaviour expected, is that you were not expecting to see them. Statistically, because you hadn't seen them for so long, it seemed very unlikely that you would see them again. (Psychologists probably have a word for this. They probably came up with the word while applying electric shocks to animals, so I won't bother looking it up.)
Second, you have to act interested in what they have been doing with themselves. Mainly, you are interested in what they have done between a) the last time you saw them, and b) the present. You are interested in an abstract summary, particularly from a financial or human resources perspective, e.g. what have they been working on and have they created any new humans for the labour pool. You want to avoid minutae, e.g. the person may have shit in a toilet at least once daily since you last saw them but that is not a good topic. (Unless perhaps you were an oncologist who helped them beat colorectal cancer.)
Third, you have to reminisce about "old times". "Old times" may be defined as shared events that occured in the timespan between a) the time your first saw them ever and b) the last time you saw them. These "old times" occured when you were younger and less bitter about everything. At the time, you did not know that after life had revealed its hyped-up, superficial mysteries to you, you would discover what it really is: an absurd and unimaginable prison; a simulacrum smothering your senses to keep you from God; a place where you pay incessant monthly bills keeping your body comfortable with adequate food and shelter while you wait for its collapse. At amusement parks, you pay to go on rides that make you vomit; on the ride called life, you merely pay for the feeling of nausea and disorientation.
And that's what you do when you see someone you haven't seen for a long time. Now I am going to go take a shit and go to sleep. If I haven't seen you for a long time, here's what I've been up to: sleeping 6-8 hours/day; shitting daily; generally self-preserving while waiting for my end; and only getting the briefest glimpses of Divinity - sometimes I think they serve merely to remind me that I am in bland hell.
This has been the most depressing post ever written on World's Most Blog to date. It is also the twelth (12lth) in a series of updates made in July 2008. Just as there is no point to most things in life, there was no point enumerating these posted updates. Here now is another You Tube embedded video object. Because I think in a boring linear way, the videos content reflects a sentiment opposite that of this blog post.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
July 2008 Post Number Eleven: World's Most Blog In Space!
I forgot to mention that the last update was number 10. I also did not give it a sub-title. How about... "In the Hood"? "The Beginning"? I like "The Final Beginning"... because that is paradoxical!
There was a movie called Ocean's Eleven. It starred Frank Sinatra, George Clooney, and probably someone else. People watched it. And now I present World's Most Blog July 2008 Post Eleven!
You probably didn't memorize every single cast member of Ocean's Eleven because you were too busy playing with your finger up your ass during the credits. If you are a heterosexual male, then I am going to challenge your masculinity by accusing you of being so aroused by Brad Pitt, Cesar Romero and the rest of those heisty hunks that it made you spelunk your digits up into your rectum and tickle your prostate in an oh so fey way. And because you tired yourself out, now you want me to hand your lazy fucking ass a link on a decorative, homosexual silver platter because it will save you time typing words into a Internet searching engine. "Oh, I'm so tired and lazy, oh, please, World's Most Blogger, please, can you give me an easy link so I only have to make a minimum of one (1) left-mouse-click to access a list of Ocean's Eleven cast members? Oh, because my finger is so tired from playing with my ass that I've developed painful Repetitive Stress Injury." Okay, if it will save your mouse from smelling even more like shit, here's the link.
I apologize immediately for the verbal abuse and foul language in the previous paragraph. It will not happen for the rest of this posted update.
I had another point for making this post. Look at me, abusing my readership right when I should be announcing: I got two (2) new readers! I know because I WATCH YOU ALL WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER, STAT COUNTER!
One of my new readers hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Hello, Calgary! Yee-haw! Calgary is full of cattle and oil! Calgary has the Flames and the Herald and the urban sprawwwwl and the Calaway Park! Calgary has a lot of assets worth plenty of billions of dollars, but the most important fact I know about Calgary is that it has its first World's Most Blog reader! Whoever you are, YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1!
Next up, is Prince George, British Columbia. Welcome! I don't know much about Prince George. The most important detail about Prince George is that a Prince Georgian has read a post on my blog. I could learn more of their municipal statistics, but instead I went to You Tube and discovered that Prince George has so much more to offer, like suicidal downhill couch racing and sexy bikini gardening! And what I coincidence: time for more You Tube objects on the blog!
There was a movie called Ocean's Eleven. It starred Frank Sinatra, George Clooney, and probably someone else. People watched it. And now I present World's Most Blog July 2008 Post Eleven!
You probably didn't memorize every single cast member of Ocean's Eleven because you were too busy playing with your finger up your ass during the credits. If you are a heterosexual male, then I am going to challenge your masculinity by accusing you of being so aroused by Brad Pitt, Cesar Romero and the rest of those heisty hunks that it made you spelunk your digits up into your rectum and tickle your prostate in an oh so fey way. And because you tired yourself out, now you want me to hand your lazy fucking ass a link on a decorative, homosexual silver platter because it will save you time typing words into a Internet searching engine. "Oh, I'm so tired and lazy, oh, please, World's Most Blogger, please, can you give me an easy link so I only have to make a minimum of one (1) left-mouse-click to access a list of Ocean's Eleven cast members? Oh, because my finger is so tired from playing with my ass that I've developed painful Repetitive Stress Injury." Okay, if it will save your mouse from smelling even more like shit, here's the link.
I apologize immediately for the verbal abuse and foul language in the previous paragraph. It will not happen for the rest of this posted update.
I had another point for making this post. Look at me, abusing my readership right when I should be announcing: I got two (2) new readers! I know because I WATCH YOU ALL WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER, STAT COUNTER!
One of my new readers hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Hello, Calgary! Yee-haw! Calgary is full of cattle and oil! Calgary has the Flames and the Herald and the urban sprawwwwl and the Calaway Park! Calgary has a lot of assets worth plenty of billions of dollars, but the most important fact I know about Calgary is that it has its first World's Most Blog reader! Whoever you are, YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1!
Next up, is Prince George, British Columbia. Welcome! I don't know much about Prince George. The most important detail about Prince George is that a Prince Georgian has read a post on my blog. I could learn more of their municipal statistics, but instead I went to You Tube and discovered that Prince George has so much more to offer, like suicidal downhill couch racing and sexy bikini gardening! And what I coincidence: time for more You Tube objects on the blog!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Ways In Which This Blog Helps You With Basic Survival
Food: ...
Water: ...
Shelter: ...
Clothing: ...
However, if you only required hastily arranged internet word text to sustain your body at nominal health, this blog would probably do.
Water: ...
Shelter: ...
Clothing: ...
However, if you only required hastily arranged internet word text to sustain your body at nominal health, this blog would probably do.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The Ninth Post: Even Less To Blog About
I was told by Canadian TV that because I have a blog, I am supposed to write something about the band Bare Naked Ladies. If you don't know what The Bare Naked Ladies is, you should maybe learn to use a searching engine which will locate more useful information for you than you will find in this online blog update. This is a "personal" blog, and while it is a World's Most Blog, it is not at all a tutorial on finding words on the Internet.
I don't listen to The Bare Naked Ladies. One of them has a "reality" TV show where he does bad jobs, and while that sounds like an interesting reality premise, I've only watched the reality commercials for it. Once they made a song about Kraft Dinner, but for me it it was more entertaining when Terrence & Phillip ate Kraft Dinner.
I am not sure if The Bare Naked Ladies band ever made a cover song of George Benson's "Give Me The Night", but a Ferrero Rocher commercial did! Although Ferrero Rocher is not much better than Bare Naked Ladies, Kraft Dinner is much better as is the original by George Benson.
I hope you liked this post, which is the ninth (9th) in a series of update made in the month of July 2008. This post also the first in a series of one update to have topical commentary on an extremely ephermeral event in popular culture history. This update also has Canadiana, meaning that it makes reference points relevant to a cultural region of the NAFTA North American Union known as "Canada". This posting is also the fourth in a series of posts made in a series of posts made in the month of July 2008 that has a You Tube Video object embedded in the post.
I don't listen to The Bare Naked Ladies. One of them has a "reality" TV show where he does bad jobs, and while that sounds like an interesting reality premise, I've only watched the reality commercials for it. Once they made a song about Kraft Dinner, but for me it it was more entertaining when Terrence & Phillip ate Kraft Dinner.
I am not sure if The Bare Naked Ladies band ever made a cover song of George Benson's "Give Me The Night", but a Ferrero Rocher commercial did! Although Ferrero Rocher is not much better than Bare Naked Ladies, Kraft Dinner is much better as is the original by George Benson.
I hope you liked this post, which is the ninth (9th) in a series of update made in the month of July 2008. This post also the first in a series of one update to have topical commentary on an extremely ephermeral event in popular culture history. This update also has Canadiana, meaning that it makes reference points relevant to a cultural region of the NAFTA North American Union known as "Canada". This posting is also the fourth in a series of posts made in a series of posts made in the month of July 2008 that has a You Tube Video object embedded in the post.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Really Lazy July Post Number 8
July is a hot, muggy month heavy with heat and humidity, and I don't have air conditioning. So I'm bout to cool off and watch Cool As Ice! Everybody Get Loose! Hey, that sounds like another excuse to embed one of the You Tube video objects onto my webblog! Because this blog is like Vanilla Ice's threads: there's just too many damn words on it.
This is the 8th in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008. It is also the 3rd in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008 to include an embedded YouTube video.
This is the 8th in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008. It is also the 3rd in a series of web blog updates posted in the month of July 2008 to include an embedded YouTube video.
Wordy Dishco Action (July 2008 Post Seven)
You know the smooth sounds you heard in my last post? Gosh darn (note: first time minced oaths used in this post), it will be hard to follow up that smoothness. Imagination, why you have me so hypnotized?
Until I think of some way to follow up that avalanche of smooth soulful sound from Leee John and Imagination, I am going to help clog the Internet with more personal information. I got the idea to write about personal matters from almost every other weblog I ever looked at. My personal experiences are important to me because I experienced them directly with crystal-clear analog clarity using all five of my senses, and then interpreted them with a background of thousands of memories stored in millions of brain cells - and now you get to experience them vicariously through several hundred wildly inadequate words!
Anyway, these last few days and night I let dishes build up in the sink until I was forced to improvise with not-oft-used utensils like plastic scoops from cans of green vegetable powders and a scraper I used to stir spaghetti and sauce. Not a good situation, unless your goal in life is to use instruments of food preparation improperly. So tonight I'm tackling the dishes. Over 50% clean so far!
I applied for another student loan this year. My education has got me far enough along to not only wash dishes (involving lots of physics) and post You Tube videos on a Internet blog (involving lots of using a com-pu-tor), but also I can manage a student loan application! Might as well keep up with this learning!
And another thing: I saw a fucking beautiful wild owl yesterday. (It is worth using "fucking" in this paragraph. Fucking. Ok, that last one was completely super-fucking-fluous. And that one.) It flew out of the woods and up to the top of the tree, just to make its presence known.
Owls are symbolic of knowledge. Not only capable of seeing in the dark - perceiving through the darkness of ignorance - owls can also turn their heads 360 degrees - like a library, allowing them to perceive all there is around them. It is a little too weird that an owl flew out of the trees for me the day before starting my student loan application. (I started the application, not the owl. I mean, I started the application, but I didn't start the owl. I may have startled the owl, though.)
Sad personal news: I'm infatuated with someone I'd never have a chance with. I held out a fantasy that something would happen, but I found out the subject of my attraction is with another. That made me feel all weird in my chest. All this within days of seeing the owl and doing my student loan application. What does it all mean? If not nothing, then...
Wow, God hasn't talked to me this much for over 5 months. I'm not entirely sure about the message. I assume it's something like, "don't worry about unrequited earth love, the only real love is My love, so be less superficial and keep working on your brain and spirit, and oh look here's a cool predatory bird in a tree to tie all the threads together". Birds, by their ability to fly, also represent the possibility of escape from the earth, ie. the material world that has trapped me and largely prevents me from directly experiencing God's love. I don't think that doing dishes figures into the mix, though, unless I want to read baptism/cleansing into it somehow.
Well, that was a lot of time wasted adding personal balloon juice to the Internet Web Clogosphere, ranging from mundane anecdotes about cleaning chores and completing forms to sexual attractions to higher spiritual insights... or was it? Because along the way I think I found adequate content to follow up the last post!
This is the seventh in a series of clog/blog posts I am adding to the Internet in the month of July 2008. I am going to be foolhardy and click Blogger's Publish Post button now.
Until I think of some way to follow up that avalanche of smooth soulful sound from Leee John and Imagination, I am going to help clog the Internet with more personal information. I got the idea to write about personal matters from almost every other weblog I ever looked at. My personal experiences are important to me because I experienced them directly with crystal-clear analog clarity using all five of my senses, and then interpreted them with a background of thousands of memories stored in millions of brain cells - and now you get to experience them vicariously through several hundred wildly inadequate words!
Anyway, these last few days and night I let dishes build up in the sink until I was forced to improvise with not-oft-used utensils like plastic scoops from cans of green vegetable powders and a scraper I used to stir spaghetti and sauce. Not a good situation, unless your goal in life is to use instruments of food preparation improperly. So tonight I'm tackling the dishes. Over 50% clean so far!
I applied for another student loan this year. My education has got me far enough along to not only wash dishes (involving lots of physics) and post You Tube videos on a Internet blog (involving lots of using a com-pu-tor), but also I can manage a student loan application! Might as well keep up with this learning!
And another thing: I saw a fucking beautiful wild owl yesterday. (It is worth using "fucking" in this paragraph. Fucking. Ok, that last one was completely super-fucking-fluous. And that one.) It flew out of the woods and up to the top of the tree, just to make its presence known.
Owls are symbolic of knowledge. Not only capable of seeing in the dark - perceiving through the darkness of ignorance - owls can also turn their heads 360 degrees - like a library, allowing them to perceive all there is around them. It is a little too weird that an owl flew out of the trees for me the day before starting my student loan application. (I started the application, not the owl. I mean, I started the application, but I didn't start the owl. I may have startled the owl, though.)
Sad personal news: I'm infatuated with someone I'd never have a chance with. I held out a fantasy that something would happen, but I found out the subject of my attraction is with another. That made me feel all weird in my chest. All this within days of seeing the owl and doing my student loan application. What does it all mean? If not nothing, then...
Wow, God hasn't talked to me this much for over 5 months. I'm not entirely sure about the message. I assume it's something like, "don't worry about unrequited earth love, the only real love is My love, so be less superficial and keep working on your brain and spirit, and oh look here's a cool predatory bird in a tree to tie all the threads together". Birds, by their ability to fly, also represent the possibility of escape from the earth, ie. the material world that has trapped me and largely prevents me from directly experiencing God's love. I don't think that doing dishes figures into the mix, though, unless I want to read baptism/cleansing into it somehow.
Well, that was a lot of time wasted adding personal balloon juice to the Internet Web Clogosphere, ranging from mundane anecdotes about cleaning chores and completing forms to sexual attractions to higher spiritual insights... or was it? Because along the way I think I found adequate content to follow up the last post!
This is the seventh in a series of clog/blog posts I am adding to the Internet in the month of July 2008. I am going to be foolhardy and click Blogger's Publish Post button now.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Musical Interlude
This is the sixth (6th) in a series of blogging posts I am making, doing and smooth typing in the month of July 2008. I'll let Imagination do the talking, singing and soulful smoothing for me tonight:
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Number Five! Look Up
On Canadian televisions there used to be a children's program called The Friendly Giant, starring a Giant, a giraffe, a rooster, a drawbridge, and some miniature furniature in a castle. The show was about interior decoration because it revolved around The Giant rearranging the furniature every show. Sort of like how Coronation Street is about alcoholism. Anyway, you could tell The Giant was Friendly because he did not destroy the furniature nor did he slaughter the giraffee or the rooster. In fact, The Giant was quite amiable and amicable. However, the show might as well have been about inferior decoration because the furniature was rather sparse and Giant never really developed any good concepts. But the show was only 15 minutes long, and as Noam Chomsky has pointed out, it is difficult to challenge dominant ideas -i.e., dominant interior decoration ideas - in a short time frame, so maybe that was also part of Giant's limitations.
Production values also proved to be a barrier. To get around this, the Canadian state television hired mentally challenged camera operators at dirt cheap wages. However, they proved to be quite poor at remembering basic direction. Thus, every show the Giant would remind them to "Look Up, Look Way Up" to bring his mug into frame.
Well, I want you to Look Up, Look Way Up to the top of my blog: I've changed words up there! Now we see that this is now the "The funniest World's Most Blog you've never read on purpose"! Also, I've changed the title to "World's Moist Blog"! WTF does that mean?
The truth of it is, I have been misspelling "furniature" all wrong for the entirety of this post, and a more accurate account of The Friendly Giant can be found on the Internet.
This is magic number 5 in a series of posts I am making in the month of July, 2008.
Production values also proved to be a barrier. To get around this, the Canadian state television hired mentally challenged camera operators at dirt cheap wages. However, they proved to be quite poor at remembering basic direction. Thus, every show the Giant would remind them to "Look Up, Look Way Up" to bring his mug into frame.
Well, I want you to Look Up, Look Way Up to the top of my blog: I've changed words up there! Now we see that this is now the "The funniest World's Most Blog you've never read on purpose"! Also, I've changed the title to "World's Moist Blog"! WTF does that mean?
The truth of it is, I have been misspelling "furniature" all wrong for the entirety of this post, and a more accurate account of The Friendly Giant can be found on the Internet.
This is magic number 5 in a series of posts I am making in the month of July, 2008.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Desperation
Must... put... more... words... on... in... ter... net...
Must... compose... more... blog... content... with... words... and... ellipsis... abuse... before... it'... s... too... late...
Must... use... mouse... to... left-... click... Publish... Post... button... aaaahhhhhhh.
UPDATE: Obviously, this is the fourth in a series of web blogging posts I'm am doing in July of 2008. I neglected to mention that in the Title of this blog post because I was trying and failing very hard to be funny. Must... not... delete... embarrassingly... unfunny... web... blog... post...
Must... compose... more... blog... content... with... words... and... ellipsis... abuse... before... it'... s... too... late...
Must... use... mouse... to... left-... click... Publish... Post... button... aaaahhhhhhh.
UPDATE: Obviously, this is the fourth in a series of web blogging posts I'm am doing in July of 2008. I neglected to mention that in the Title of this blog post because I was trying and failing very hard to be funny. Must... not... delete... embarrassingly... unfunny... web... blog... post...
Recent Visitors: Third WebBlog Post of July 2008
This is the third in a series of blogging posts in July 2008. It is also the second in a series of blogging posts on July 11, 2008. I could go on. I could. Go on.
This is also the second in a series of paragraphs in this post where I go on.
I decided to ask StatCounter who has been visiting my site (I USE STATCOUNTER TO WATCH YOU). It turns out that I've had recent visitors! Let's go through them and embarrass them methodically, one by one.
As always, there's me! I've visited recently! Ok, I admit: I read this blog. You got me. I'm embarrassed.
Next up, we have Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada! Hello, Regina! I've been to Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada once upon a time. I couldn't find the Booster Juice - according to an internet maps program, I had to swim across Wascana lake to find it - so I went to Jugo Juice in the Cornwall mall instead. Yes: exciting things revolving around vegetable juice can happen in Regina. Wow, what a spellbinding narrative. Anyway, my visitor from Regina appears to be from within the bowels of the provincial telecommunications company, SaskTel! Hello, Sasktel! Stop making those terrible commercials someday.
And finally, it appears that we done wrangled us a reader who is either from the great state of Texas or the great state California. Hello, Texas/California! One of my readers comes from one of the largest States of the United States! Texas is known for oil drilling; California is known for swimming pools and movie stars. According to TV, when Hillbillies from Texas find oil, they move to California! The decision seems to defy logic: maybe that is the individualist, independent streak I've heard so much about in the American charicature. Anyhow, setting aside the logistics of industry and illustry, our big ol' reader from down south seems to have an interest in water, which is why they read my one and only blog posting about drinking water. Perhaps they were thirsty. Perhaps I will write another post about water someday.
Perhaps now I will bid you all a goodnight. Goodnight sweet me. Goodnight sweet Regina and sweet Texas/California. Goodnight sweet Connecticut, sweet Australia, sweet Google indexing bot. Someday, I will write another web blog posting for you. You'll know it, because it will be timestamped later than this one.
This is also the second in a series of paragraphs in this post where I go on.
I decided to ask StatCounter who has been visiting my site (I USE STATCOUNTER TO WATCH YOU). It turns out that I've had recent visitors! Let's go through them and embarrass them methodically, one by one.
As always, there's me! I've visited recently! Ok, I admit: I read this blog. You got me. I'm embarrassed.
Next up, we have Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada! Hello, Regina! I've been to Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada once upon a time. I couldn't find the Booster Juice - according to an internet maps program, I had to swim across Wascana lake to find it - so I went to Jugo Juice in the Cornwall mall instead. Yes: exciting things revolving around vegetable juice can happen in Regina. Wow, what a spellbinding narrative. Anyway, my visitor from Regina appears to be from within the bowels of the provincial telecommunications company, SaskTel! Hello, Sasktel! Stop making those terrible commercials someday.
And finally, it appears that we done wrangled us a reader who is either from the great state of Texas or the great state California. Hello, Texas/California! One of my readers comes from one of the largest States of the United States! Texas is known for oil drilling; California is known for swimming pools and movie stars. According to TV, when Hillbillies from Texas find oil, they move to California! The decision seems to defy logic: maybe that is the individualist, independent streak I've heard so much about in the American charicature. Anyhow, setting aside the logistics of industry and illustry, our big ol' reader from down south seems to have an interest in water, which is why they read my one and only blog posting about drinking water. Perhaps they were thirsty. Perhaps I will write another post about water someday.
Perhaps now I will bid you all a goodnight. Goodnight sweet me. Goodnight sweet Regina and sweet Texas/California. Goodnight sweet Connecticut, sweet Australia, sweet Google indexing bot. Someday, I will write another web blog posting for you. You'll know it, because it will be timestamped later than this one.
Second Lazy Yet Intimate Web Blog Post of July 2008
This blogger posting is part of a series of blog posts done in the month of July 2008. This text is in gray, sometimes known as grey. This is the first time I have used grey/gray text colour on the blog.
Can you imagine if I read this blog aloud? Yes, you can! If you have Text-To-Speech software installed on a computer somewhere, like on the internet computer you are using right now to look at the World's Most Blog, you can tell it to read the words that is comin' out of my blog and hear it in a variety of different voices! Imagine that I sound like Microsoft Sam! Now you know. Now you know! If you've imagined that you are listening to this blog read aloud by a TTS software application package, you are half-way to imagining me reading this aloud. Aloud. With italics.
But seriously, let's get personal. Allow me to reveal intimate informational details on the Internet: I have private parts. I have a computer connected to the Internet and I have private parts connected to my body. Through the magic of intelligent evolution and the magic of the computer revolution, I can magically use my fingers (also connected to my body... and sometimes connected to my private parts, yes, yes...) to inform you of these juicy details.
If you have private parts like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. If you don't have private parts like mine, but you have familiarized yourself with the private parts of someone else that are generally like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. Otherwise, you will have to use the corrupt, seedy Internet to research other private parts similar to mine. OMG I can't believe I just typed that! Imagine... if I read it out loud...
Wow, isn't it exciting to reveal intimate information on the internet for an international audience? What would be really interesting is if I used my private parts to enter an internet blog posting. That would make an interesting mememe, if anyone actually read this blog. Google Spider Program, would you care to spread this mememe for me?
I don't like that last paragraph in this online web log update. Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd paragraph I typed, this blog post fell apart into nonsense. In case you were wondering, this blog update was entered entirely using my fingers, not my private parts. And in case you were wondering, this is a different shade of grey/gray than was used at the top of this post, and also this is the first time I have ever used this shade of gray/grey on the blog.
Can you imagine if I read this blog aloud? Yes, you can! If you have Text-To-Speech software installed on a computer somewhere, like on the internet computer you are using right now to look at the World's Most Blog, you can tell it to read the words that is comin' out of my blog and hear it in a variety of different voices! Imagine that I sound like Microsoft Sam! Now you know. Now you know! If you've imagined that you are listening to this blog read aloud by a TTS software application package, you are half-way to imagining me reading this aloud. Aloud. With italics.
But seriously, let's get personal. Allow me to reveal intimate informational details on the Internet: I have private parts. I have a computer connected to the Internet and I have private parts connected to my body. Through the magic of intelligent evolution and the magic of the computer revolution, I can magically use my fingers (also connected to my body... and sometimes connected to my private parts, yes, yes...) to inform you of these juicy details.
If you have private parts like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. If you don't have private parts like mine, but you have familiarized yourself with the private parts of someone else that are generally like mine, then you have an idea of my private parts. Otherwise, you will have to use the corrupt, seedy Internet to research other private parts similar to mine. OMG I can't believe I just typed that! Imagine... if I read it out loud...
Wow, isn't it exciting to reveal intimate information on the internet for an international audience? What would be really interesting is if I used my private parts to enter an internet blog posting. That would make an interesting mememe, if anyone actually read this blog. Google Spider Program, would you care to spread this mememe for me?
I don't like that last paragraph in this online web log update. Somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd paragraph I typed, this blog post fell apart into nonsense. In case you were wondering, this blog update was entered entirely using my fingers, not my private parts. And in case you were wondering, this is a different shade of grey/gray than was used at the top of this post, and also this is the first time I have ever used this shade of gray/grey on the blog.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
First Lazy Webblog Post of July 2008
This was an autosaved Draft that Blogger saved. But I decided to post it as the first post of July 2008. There, now I have a logged post to update you and keep you posted about what may be relevantly web blogged here.
Words of July and the Future: The world is all ahead of you!
Words of July and the Future: The world is all ahead of you!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
This Is A Thinking Man's Blog
Ponder this: Am I blog-ging?... Or is the blog me-ing?
Think about it. Makes you think, don't it? Really makes you wonder what it's all about, doesn't it. Yep.
Think about it. Makes you think, don't it? Really makes you wonder what it's all about, doesn't it. Yep.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Mise En Scene Part 3: Dream Warriors
You are sitting at a computer. You are looking at the Internet. The Web Browing program is at this blog. Your eyes scan across the blog posting. Because you are wondering what has been happening at this blog.
I have the Training Day Digital Video Disc (DVD) from the library. I am at home, about to watch the shit. I open up the case. Then I prepare to type in a long sentence in my blog. I take out the DVD and the shit is all scratched up like someone stuck it in a box with lots of nails and sharp pieces of glass and then tossed the shit into the middle of a tornado and retrieved it later and put it back in the case and returned it to the library. I catch a whiff of something from the case: the shit smells like bad perfume. Then I check the inside of the case. I noticed there is a fucking "DVD Care Tips" note taped inside. Out of all the 7 DVDs I got from the library, the Training Day shit is the only one with that fucking "DVD Care Tips". I think: it's a little late for that.
I place the Digital Versatile Disk in my DVD player. I press the play button. It appears that the Digital DVD Disc appears to work in my DVD player. I see Denzel Warshington and Ethan Hawrke. I stop, realizing that I've exaggerated a bit about the condition of the DVD. I also realize something else. I realize that this web blog posting has more swear words than any other on the blog. Then I realize that the swearing is all concentrated in the previous paragraph.
I prepare to press the Publish Post button again and go off to watch Training Day. I enjoy pressing that button. I enjoy the feeling of pressing it with the left-mouse button. It means that this post will soon be out there for the computer world to enjoy.
I have the Training Day Digital Video Disc (DVD) from the library. I am at home, about to watch the shit. I open up the case. Then I prepare to type in a long sentence in my blog. I take out the DVD and the shit is all scratched up like someone stuck it in a box with lots of nails and sharp pieces of glass and then tossed the shit into the middle of a tornado and retrieved it later and put it back in the case and returned it to the library. I catch a whiff of something from the case: the shit smells like bad perfume. Then I check the inside of the case. I noticed there is a fucking "DVD Care Tips" note taped inside. Out of all the 7 DVDs I got from the library, the Training Day shit is the only one with that fucking "DVD Care Tips". I think: it's a little late for that.
I place the Digital Versatile Disk in my DVD player. I press the play button. It appears that the Digital DVD Disc appears to work in my DVD player. I see Denzel Warshington and Ethan Hawrke. I stop, realizing that I've exaggerated a bit about the condition of the DVD. I also realize something else. I realize that this web blog posting has more swear words than any other on the blog. Then I realize that the swearing is all concentrated in the previous paragraph.
I prepare to press the Publish Post button again and go off to watch Training Day. I enjoy pressing that button. I enjoy the feeling of pressing it with the left-mouse button. It means that this post will soon be out there for the computer world to enjoy.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Short N Sweet
I'm trying to figure out whether I care if anyone reads this blog. But I'm not trying very hard.
I'm thinking about when I will change the title of this internet blog back to "World's Most Blog" from "World's Mocst Blog", changed temporarily in honour of the silent "c" in Connecticut. But I'm not thinking much about it.
I'm considering whether the Internet's World's Most Blog will ever have a different official flower from the Mountain Laurel. But my consideration doesn't lend itself to being a good example of discipline or determination in contemplation.
I'm typing words for this weblog posting. But those words... are numbered. They cannot last... forever. Ellipses... can be abused... right here.
I'm about to press the "Publish Post" button on Blogger's Create Post Compose Box. I will press it ever so slightly.
Hey, I just noticed that Blog Spot is an anagram for Blog Post. Weird.
I'm thinking about when I will change the title of this internet blog back to "World's Most Blog" from "World's Mocst Blog", changed temporarily in honour of the silent "c" in Connecticut. But I'm not thinking much about it.
I'm considering whether the Internet's World's Most Blog will ever have a different official flower from the Mountain Laurel. But my consideration doesn't lend itself to being a good example of discipline or determination in contemplation.
I'm typing words for this weblog posting. But those words... are numbered. They cannot last... forever. Ellipses... can be abused... right here.
I'm about to press the "Publish Post" button on Blogger's Create Post Compose Box. I will press it ever so slightly.
Hey, I just noticed that Blog Spot is an anagram for Blog Post. Weird.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
World's Most Post
I've already announced that this is a World's Most Blog. With that in mind, if you're reading this - and I think you are - you may be wondering: is there a World's Most Post in the World's Most Blog? That's a good question to wonder.
To put an answer to your wonderment: this is it! This is the World's Most Post - arguably a World's Most Post - on World's Most Blog! Enjoy it - that's why I wrote it!
Now, if I didn't explicitly write a World's Most Post (that's this one), it would have been a disservice to my readership - namely:
To be sure, this is only a World's Most Post - there might be others. Also, this is only a World's Most Post on World's Most Blog. Other computer blogs might have their own World's Most Posts. Some web blogs might have more than one World's Most Post. It can get confusing. This is what content management is for.
So make sure to add this to your online browsers' list of bookmarks for ease of reference. (Do this for all internet browsing programs.) I will also add it to the Side Bar for you.
To put an answer to your wonderment: this is it! This is the World's Most Post - arguably a World's Most Post - on World's Most Blog! Enjoy it - that's why I wrote it!
Now, if I didn't explicitly write a World's Most Post (that's this one), it would have been a disservice to my readership - namely:
- me (#1 Reader! I'm #1!)
- the Google indexing spider crawler
- 2 random computer users from Australia and Connecticut who accidentally browsed by
To be sure, this is only a World's Most Post - there might be others. Also, this is only a World's Most Post on World's Most Blog. Other computer blogs might have their own World's Most Posts. Some web blogs might have more than one World's Most Post. It can get confusing. This is what content management is for.
So make sure to add this to your online browsers' list of bookmarks for ease of reference. (Do this for all internet browsing programs.) I will also add it to the Side Bar for you.
Water Drinking Game
Wow. I haven't web blogged in 3 days. That's a World Record for me.
I SET A WORLD RECORD!!! I'M #1! I'M #1!!!
Well, I've broken my streak. Now I have to write something. I'll try to write something. No, I'll try to blog something!
Normally, when people set a World Record, they have a drink of alcohol. I don't drink alcohol and I don't like to encourage alcohol consumption. But I will encourage water consumption. So here's a water drinking game. I will give you the "algorithm" using the HypoText Makeup Language numbered list feature, which takes a list of items and numbers them. But not in random order; rather, in increasing order. But not starting just anywhere; rather, starting at the number 1.
I SET A WORLD RECORD!!! I'M #1! I'M #1!!!
Well, I've broken my streak. Now I have to write something. I'll try to write something. No, I'll try to blog something!
Normally, when people set a World Record, they have a drink of alcohol. I don't drink alcohol and I don't like to encourage alcohol consumption. But I will encourage water consumption. So here's a water drinking game. I will give you the "algorithm" using the HypoText Makeup Language numbered list feature, which takes a list of items and numbers them. But not in random order; rather, in increasing order. But not starting just anywhere; rather, starting at the number 1.
- Watch Land of the Dead. Sorry, I mean Land of the Dead. Yeah, that one. Yeah, the latter. Yeah, the last one. Yeah, not the first one. Yeah, not the former. Yeah.
- Make sure you are Canadian and have watched enough Canadian commercial television to see enough Canadian commercials.
- Every time you recognize an actor from Canadian commercials (several are zombies), take a drink of water.
- When the movie ends, RUN! GO! GET TO THE BATHROOM! You will have a lot of peeing to do because there are a lot of Canadian commercial actors cast in Land of the Dead and you drank a lot of water.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Connecticut Rules
Only 2 of the 3 "c"s are pronounced in "Connecticut". But that doesn't change the fact that World's Most Blog's 2nd official human reader who isn't me hails from the great state of Connecticut!
Congratulations, Connecticut! You're #2! You're #2!
For those of you who are reading this, Connecticut is located in the United States of America. It is one of the 50 states in America and, like many states, it was a Wikipedia page. Connecticut has been mentioned more than once on both Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy; now it has the distinction of been mentioned several times in a posting on World's Most Blog!
In honour of the great state of Connecticut, I am going to do 3 things:
Congratulations, Connecticut! You're #2! You're #2!
For those of you who are reading this, Connecticut is located in the United States of America. It is one of the 50 states in America and, like many states, it was a Wikipedia page. Connecticut has been mentioned more than once on both Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy; now it has the distinction of been mentioned several times in a posting on World's Most Blog!
In honour of the great state of Connecticut, I am going to do 3 things:
- use a numbered list to list the 3 things, because I have neglected numbered listing
- do 5 things instead of 3 things
- temporarily rename "World's Most Blog" to "World's Mocst Blog" to celebrate the silent "c"
- avoid referring to every other state in the union (except Hawaii) until they bother to get their lazy ass off the rest of the Internet to visit my blog
- adopt Connecticut's state flower, the Mountain Laurel, as the official flower of this blog
Your computer signals travelled halfway across the continent to the Great White North to see my Canadian webblog. In case you're feeling homesick, here's this tourism video from Danbury Connecticut to remind you of home.
Mise En Scene Part 2: Nerds In Paradise
It is daytime. It is the day after yesterday. I sit at my Internet computer as I enter words into Blogger's Post Creator. After many hours of sleep, the cold has subsided. My sneezing is less pronounced; it is more mispronounced, like "seneeznig". I am less feverish and less sneezerish.
It continues to be daytime as I type this second paragraph. I cannot say how many paragraphs this blog posting will contain... but it will contain some. I can only say with certainty that this paragraph will contain one paragraph's worth of words. There is no other way out.
I experiment with sequel post subtitling. Instead of "Electric Bugaloo", I have chosen "Nerds In Paradise" over "Freddy's Revenge" and "The First Assignment". "Nerds In Paradise" is el último hombre.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that this post is trilingual. Just as suddenly, I experience the realization that my usage of 2 of the 3 languages is limited to 1 3-word stock phrase per language. My disappointment is palpable and palpatating. It is daytime.
It continues to be daytime as I type this second paragraph. I cannot say how many paragraphs this blog posting will contain... but it will contain some. I can only say with certainty that this paragraph will contain one paragraph's worth of words. There is no other way out.
I experiment with sequel post subtitling. Instead of "Electric Bugaloo", I have chosen "Nerds In Paradise" over "Freddy's Revenge" and "The First Assignment". "Nerds In Paradise" is el último hombre.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that this post is trilingual. Just as suddenly, I experience the realization that my usage of 2 of the 3 languages is limited to 1 3-word stock phrase per language. My disappointment is palpable and palpatating. It is daytime.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Mise En Scene
It is night. I sit at a computer. I am accessing the Internet. A cold has overtaken me and I find myself sneezing several times, reminding me that I still feel mildly feverish. It was not a good idea to miss a night's sleep. My immune system has not yet caught up the lost ground. A cold virus has taken full advantage of my weakness.
I drink Greens+ Daily Detox to boost my body's antioxidant activity and immune strength. Hourly I consume 1000mg of Vitamin C. Still, I sneeze and sneeze. I wonder how many sneezes I could have prevented by placing my finger under my nose. But that finger is needed to use the Internet. And so the sneezing goes on.
I look at the floor. There is a sock. It is inside out, resting where I dropped it off my sweaty foot. Its partner is out of sight. I find myself briefly wondering where the other sock is, and whether it too is inside out. Under most circumstances, that is a simple, mundane question, but in my present state, it almost hints at something more symbolic of the archetypal. The fog in my head both suggests the greater meaning and prevents its revelation.
I sneeze again. It is time to press the Publish Post button. The Internet will then know the contents of Mise En Scene. And I will know that the Internet knows. It is night.
I drink Greens+ Daily Detox to boost my body's antioxidant activity and immune strength. Hourly I consume 1000mg of Vitamin C. Still, I sneeze and sneeze. I wonder how many sneezes I could have prevented by placing my finger under my nose. But that finger is needed to use the Internet. And so the sneezing goes on.
I look at the floor. There is a sock. It is inside out, resting where I dropped it off my sweaty foot. Its partner is out of sight. I find myself briefly wondering where the other sock is, and whether it too is inside out. Under most circumstances, that is a simple, mundane question, but in my present state, it almost hints at something more symbolic of the archetypal. The fog in my head both suggests the greater meaning and prevents its revelation.
I sneeze again. It is time to press the Publish Post button. The Internet will then know the contents of Mise En Scene. And I will know that the Internet knows. It is night.
Living Effortfully Part 2 : Electric Bugaloo
I'm sorry about the title. I cannot resist adding "Electric Bugaloo" to the first sequel of anything. Thinking ahead to the future, what do you think is better for the second sequel: "Dream Warriors", "The Search For Spock" or "Back In Training"?
You know, come to think of it, suffixing the title of this post with "Electric Bugaloo" took no effort. I've used that so many times IRL and elsewhere that it was truly effortless. It's Mastery! Likewise, it was effortless to create the main portion of the title: this is part of a series of Living Effortfully, and it is the second part of the series (the first sequel), so naturally it is Part 2; thus, I fluidly intuited "Living Effortfully Part 2". Again, Mastery!
Already, I find myself in a difficult situation. I cannot escape from Effortless Mastery! when that is what I want least. I am supposed to be trying to make a post with as much effort as I possibly can! Now I have to swear again. Although I have sweared multiple times already on my blog, you might remember that my first swearing occured at Living Effortfully Part 1. That swear was the F-word and it was performed entirely Caps Lock for LOUD VOLUME effect. For the second time in my blog's history, I am going to use the F-word in LOUD VOLUME to express my frustrations at being too effortless to blog with maximum effortfulness:
FUCK!
Watch out for Living Effortfully Part 3: Urban Harvest!
You know, come to think of it, suffixing the title of this post with "Electric Bugaloo" took no effort. I've used that so many times IRL and elsewhere that it was truly effortless. It's Mastery! Likewise, it was effortless to create the main portion of the title: this is part of a series of Living Effortfully, and it is the second part of the series (the first sequel), so naturally it is Part 2; thus, I fluidly intuited "Living Effortfully Part 2". Again, Mastery!
Already, I find myself in a difficult situation. I cannot escape from Effortless Mastery! when that is what I want least. I am supposed to be trying to make a post with as much effort as I possibly can! Now I have to swear again. Although I have sweared multiple times already on my blog, you might remember that my first swearing occured at Living Effortfully Part 1. That swear was the F-word and it was performed entirely Caps Lock for LOUD VOLUME effect. For the second time in my blog's history, I am going to use the F-word in LOUD VOLUME to express my frustrations at being too effortless to blog with maximum effortfulness:
FUCK!
Watch out for Living Effortfully Part 3: Urban Harvest!
On And Off
I'm on-line in my Blogger blog creator box right now. Soon I'm going to go publish this online blog post, then go off-line the blog text box. Then I'm going to go online to my blog (but not the blog text box for creating postings) and look at what I am writing right at now. Later I will go off-line my blog proper. Then I will likely be online in the internet browsing window for a time further. Eventually I will go offline from the web browser program. Then later I will go offline completely from the Internet network. Finally for the evening, I will go offline from in real waking life and go online in dreamless sleep, then go on and off-line from between in-real-life dream and dreamless sleep.
This type of oscillating is probably going to continue, but unfortunately, not indefinitely. Some day I will be disconnected (peacefully and a looooong time from now, I do hope), whether or not from my own will or not, from all in-real-life and on line and offline from the internet. After that, if I've been adequately good and aware in my life offline from death, I'm crossing my keytyping fingers that I will simply be offlife online someplace else with an online infinite.
This type of oscillating is probably going to continue, but unfortunately, not indefinitely. Some day I will be disconnected (peacefully and a looooong time from now, I do hope), whether or not from my own will or not, from all in-real-life and on line and offline from the internet. After that, if I've been adequately good and aware in my life offline from death, I'm crossing my keytyping fingers that I will simply be offlife online someplace else with an online infinite.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Australia Rules
I've been writing this blog for a while now, at least since late May 2008. Some people have been making blogs even longer than that!
Checking my Stat Counter statistic counter, I find that I am still the #1 reader of my blog. I'M #1!!! I'M #1 AT SOMETHING!
Close at #2 is Google's search engine. Google's search engine is found here. But I don't think Google's search engine is a real person.
I was absolutely delighted when Stat Counter told me today that there's a new entrant in the race to see who can read my blog! And according to Stat Counter, they hail from Australia!
Hello, Australia! G'Day, Mate! Your computer signals travelled halfway across the world to the land up over to see my Canadian webblog. In case you're feeling homesick, here's this David Bowie video to remind you of home.
Talk about international! This Internet really does go all over the planet, doesn't it! If you had asked me where would be the first person to load my World's Most Blog in their internet web window, I couldn't have guessed correctly. I might have chosen wacky countries, like Hatari or perhaps Burundi, one of the poorest countries on earth where most people are too malnourished to care about computing. Guessing alphabetically, Australia would have been my 16th choice, though.
So, let me just say this to you, over under down there in Australia: salutations and contratulations on being the first human who is not me to visit my blog!
Checking my Stat Counter statistic counter, I find that I am still the #1 reader of my blog. I'M #1!!! I'M #1 AT SOMETHING!
Close at #2 is Google's search engine. Google's search engine is found here. But I don't think Google's search engine is a real person.
I was absolutely delighted when Stat Counter told me today that there's a new entrant in the race to see who can read my blog! And according to Stat Counter, they hail from Australia!
Hello, Australia! G'Day, Mate! Your computer signals travelled halfway across the world to the land up over to see my Canadian webblog. In case you're feeling homesick, here's this David Bowie video to remind you of home.
Talk about international! This Internet really does go all over the planet, doesn't it! If you had asked me where would be the first person to load my World's Most Blog in their internet web window, I couldn't have guessed correctly. I might have chosen wacky countries, like Hatari or perhaps Burundi, one of the poorest countries on earth where most people are too malnourished to care about computing. Guessing alphabetically, Australia would have been my 16th choice, though.
So, let me just say this to you, over under down there in Australia: salutations and contratulations on being the first human who is not me to visit my blog!
Living Effortfully Part 1
People often talk about doing things effortlessly. In the Zone, in the Zen, whatever it is; in the Zen Zone or in the Xander Zone, perhaps?
I'm now going to do the opposite. I'm going to make a blog post with as much effort as possible. It's going to be Effortful, rather than Effortless. I will not be at Peak Performance; rather, I will be in Valley Performance. I will be out of the Zone. Technically, I will be in another Zone, but it will not be the Default "the Zone". The Default "the Zone" is restricted to Effortless Peak Performance. The rest of the Zones involve varying amounts of effort. I will be in the most effortful of the Zones as I type this; a Zone not only of sight and sound, but too much trying.
I will try so hard to blog. I'm going to give 110%, or at least something greater than 100%, which is mathematically impossible. You will probably read this and think: "Look at him trying so hard. He is really overdoing it. It's a shame because I know he can do it; but unless he learns to relax, it will never happen. He's going to burn himself out. 5 posts in a day? He has to learn how to pace his blogging."
I am trying so hard to write a blog right now that I am getting very frustrated. That's what happens with too much effort and not enough result: I get emotionally stressed. The results you see are not matching all of my expectations and that is really bothering me. I am beginning to feel like a complete failure. I am now going to write a swear word for the very first time on my blog to express how frustrating are my fruitless Efforts.
FUCK!
Now I am going to blame you. STOP... WATCHING... ME!... I... CAN'T... WRITE... WHILE... YOU'RE... WATCHING...
If you do not see this post, it is because I broke my computer before I could press the "publish post" button on Blogger's stupid Post Creator. Stupid Blogger, why did I even start a blog here anyway? If their Post Composer wasn't so stupid and buggy (in a way I can't put my finger on right now but clearly making for a convenient scapegoat), I'd have written the best post ever already.
Ok, I give up. This is never going to work.
I'm going to take your advice and go take a break. But I will return, and I will try again. Oh yes... there will be blog. Until I know better, I am going to make a series of these Living Effortfully posts in future.
I'm now going to do the opposite. I'm going to make a blog post with as much effort as possible. It's going to be Effortful, rather than Effortless. I will not be at Peak Performance; rather, I will be in Valley Performance. I will be out of the Zone. Technically, I will be in another Zone, but it will not be the Default "the Zone". The Default "the Zone" is restricted to Effortless Peak Performance. The rest of the Zones involve varying amounts of effort. I will be in the most effortful of the Zones as I type this; a Zone not only of sight and sound, but too much trying.
I will try so hard to blog. I'm going to give 110%, or at least something greater than 100%, which is mathematically impossible. You will probably read this and think: "Look at him trying so hard. He is really overdoing it. It's a shame because I know he can do it; but unless he learns to relax, it will never happen. He's going to burn himself out. 5 posts in a day? He has to learn how to pace his blogging."
I am trying so hard to write a blog right now that I am getting very frustrated. That's what happens with too much effort and not enough result: I get emotionally stressed. The results you see are not matching all of my expectations and that is really bothering me. I am beginning to feel like a complete failure. I am now going to write a swear word for the very first time on my blog to express how frustrating are my fruitless Efforts.
FUCK!
Now I am going to blame you. STOP... WATCHING... ME!... I... CAN'T... WRITE... WHILE... YOU'RE... WATCHING...
If you do not see this post, it is because I broke my computer before I could press the "publish post" button on Blogger's stupid Post Creator. Stupid Blogger, why did I even start a blog here anyway? If their Post Composer wasn't so stupid and buggy (in a way I can't put my finger on right now but clearly making for a convenient scapegoat), I'd have written the best post ever already.
Ok, I give up. This is never going to work.
I'm going to take your advice and go take a break. But I will return, and I will try again. Oh yes... there will be blog. Until I know better, I am going to make a series of these Living Effortfully posts in future.
New Published Post About Blog Roll
I've created a Blog Roll. A Blog Roll is like a Rick Roll, except in adjusted reality it's really just a list of blogs that I may or may not be reading. The idea is to create links between blogs, thereby becoming... blogospheric!
Well, I'm only linking to my own blog for now whoops, Italics are still on. Like I said, I'm only linking to my own web log for now. Later I might link to other blogs on the Internet. If you found my page for your own reasons and you want me to link to your web blog, let me know what it is.
It's fun to have a blog roll. The blog roll is properly called "Other Web Blogs" and can be found on the right
-->
side next to my date- and time-stamped posted entries like this one.
At some point in the future, I might move my Blog Roll over to the left side.
<--
Or I might have a Blog Roll Link that, when you click on it with your mouse or other pointing device, will send you to a page of blogs. That could be ANYWHERE on the page, but I hope I will try to not put it in an inconvenient and/or inaccessible location. I promise not to link it to a Rick Roll because that's not very funny anymore, because modern Internet computer users adjust faster and faster to novelties, however amusing they may be.
Well, I'm only linking to my own blog for now whoops, Italics are still on. Like I said, I'm only linking to my own web log for now. Later I might link to other blogs on the Internet. If you found my page for your own reasons and you want me to link to your web blog, let me know what it is.
It's fun to have a blog roll. The blog roll is properly called "Other Web Blogs" and can be found on the right
-->
side next to my date- and time-stamped posted entries like this one.
At some point in the future, I might move my Blog Roll over to the left side.
<--
Or I might have a Blog Roll Link that, when you click on it with your mouse or other pointing device, will send you to a page of blogs. That could be ANYWHERE on the page, but I hope I will try to not put it in an inconvenient and/or inaccessible location. I promise not to link it to a Rick Roll because that's not very funny anymore, because modern Internet computer users adjust faster and faster to novelties, however amusing they may be.
Discrete Web Blog Statistics
In my very last post - to which I will not link because it was my very last post and I don't think it will ruin your web experience if I don't link to it, so see the archives - I told you about how I added a Stat Counter stat counter to my web blog. And you know what?
I AM THE #1 VIEWER OF MY BLOG! I'M #1! I'M THE BEST AT SOMETHING!
I AM THE #1 VIEWER OF MY BLOG! I'M #1! I'M THE BEST AT SOMETHING!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Statcounter
I added a Statcounter stat counter to my blog. It collects discrete statistical information about who types "worldsmostblog.blogspot.com" into their WWW browser program. This means that when you visit my blog, I WILL KNOW. I WILL USE THIS INFORMATION AGAINST YOU.
No, I won't. My jack-booted goons are on strike, and so are all the mechanics for my black helicopters. Apparently, their contract is up and "I don't pay them enough to meet inflation and the average mercenary's cost of living" or some crap. Damned PSGBHMU (Private SWAT Goons and Black Helicopter Mechanics Union) Chapter 91.
And those Chinese and Russians hackers I hired who were supposed to crack your computer and blow up your hard drive in your face? They kinda cleaned out my offshore bank accounts instead. Bastards.
But I can't blame anyone else for my problems: this is all my doing. I had negative intentions to use binary digital tracking information on you to harm you and your Web computer, and that negativity slung-shot and boomeranged and splish-splashed back at me. What comes around goes around and I get what I deserve. Never again will I take the information I collect on you and use it as content for any more nefarious plans.
Nevertheless, I am going to leave Stat Counter up on my Internet blog so I can see when people visit the site. I am going to sit myself in a circle around a small fire on the carpet of my dumpy basement apartment, grab some bongos and marimbas and cowbells, manipulate the instruments into a miraculous shamantric whirlwind of life-affirming cosmic energies, and fling it out at the centre of your forehead like a friendly frisby, just for taking the time to visit.
No, I won't. My jack-booted goons are on strike, and so are all the mechanics for my black helicopters. Apparently, their contract is up and "I don't pay them enough to meet inflation and the average mercenary's cost of living" or some crap. Damned PSGBHMU (Private SWAT Goons and Black Helicopter Mechanics Union) Chapter 91.
And those Chinese and Russians hackers I hired who were supposed to crack your computer and blow up your hard drive in your face? They kinda cleaned out my offshore bank accounts instead. Bastards.
But I can't blame anyone else for my problems: this is all my doing. I had negative intentions to use binary digital tracking information on you to harm you and your Web computer, and that negativity slung-shot and boomeranged and splish-splashed back at me. What comes around goes around and I get what I deserve. Never again will I take the information I collect on you and use it as content for any more nefarious plans.
Nevertheless, I am going to leave Stat Counter up on my Internet blog so I can see when people visit the site. I am going to sit myself in a circle around a small fire on the carpet of my dumpy basement apartment, grab some bongos and marimbas and cowbells, manipulate the instruments into a miraculous shamantric whirlwind of life-affirming cosmic energies, and fling it out at the centre of your forehead like a friendly frisby, just for taking the time to visit.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Car Pools
Now I'm going to go deep into a subject I sort of feel something about. It's called "Car pooling".
I don't drive. But if I did, I'd make a car pool with my car.
I'd like to look at car pooling in terms of functions of things, functions of functions of things, and so on. Ok? (And I'm going to use "car pool" like a verb.)
Gas Expenditure
The amount you spend on gas is a inverse function of the amount of people in the car pool. Therefore, the more people car pool, the more they'll split the gas, and the less they'll spend on gas.
Gas Prices
Gas prices are a function of supply and demand. (At least, they're supposed to be.) As demand for gas increase, price increases; as demand decreases, price decreases. Demand is a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Therefore, if more people car pool, gas prices will drop.
Road Repairs
The amount of municipal road repair is a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is a function of the number of cars people have to use. The number of cars people use is an inverse function of the number and size of car pools. Therefore, if more people car pool, fewer road repairs will be done.
Property Taxes
The amount you pay in property taxes is a function of the amount of municipal road repair. Therefore, the more people car pool, the less you'll pay on property taxes. (Assuming no change in other municipal spending.)
Vehicle Maintenance
The amount you spend on vehicle maintenance is a function of the amount of vehicle use. The amount of vehicle use is a function of car pool use, in that passengers will not be using their cars while car pooling. Therefore, the more people car pool, the less they'll pay for vehicle maintenance.
Traffic Accidents
The amount of traffic accidents is a function of the amount of traffic, or the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Therefore, the more people car pool, the fewer accidents there will be. (But the less awkward my sentences might not be.)
Auto Insurance
Auto insurance is a function of the number of traffic accidents. Therefore, the more people car pool, the lower auto insurance premiums will be.
Commute Time
Commute time is a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Commute time is also a function of road repairs, which tend to slow traffic. Therefore, if more people car pool, commute times will be shorter. (Ah, better sentence structure.)
Stress
Stress is a function of commute time. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be less stress.
Violence (Road Rage)
Road rage is a function of stress. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be less road rage. (Assuming you get along with your fellow car poolers.)
Disease
Disease is a function of stress. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be less disease. (I know, I'm stretching it; if more people car pool, they might also spread disease due to closer proximity.)
Nocturnal, I mean, Carbon Emissions (dammit)
Carbon emissions are a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be fewer carbon emissions.
(I might go on to say the existence of the species is a function of having a livable environment, which is a function of not having an overheated planet, etc., which is a function of car pools.)
Extra Time To Do Stuff
Time to do stuff is a function of having your hands free. Having your hands free is a function of not having to operate a car. Not having to operate a car is a function of being a passenger in a car instead of a driver. Therefore, the more people car pool, the more people (i.e., the passengers) will have extra time to do stuff instead of driving.
In Summary
More car poolings =
It is amazing how few people car pool, given the financial incentives. Although some of the financial incentives would take a mass movement to realize (e.g., lowering gas prices and insurance premiums), several are immediately accessible (saving money on gas and vehicle maintenance, and having more free time).
So if you're out there reading this (and if you've made it this far, you are), then start a car pool.
I don't drive. But if I did, I'd make a car pool with my car.
I'd like to look at car pooling in terms of functions of things, functions of functions of things, and so on. Ok? (And I'm going to use "car pool" like a verb.)
Gas Expenditure
The amount you spend on gas is a inverse function of the amount of people in the car pool. Therefore, the more people car pool, the more they'll split the gas, and the less they'll spend on gas.
Gas Prices
Gas prices are a function of supply and demand. (At least, they're supposed to be.) As demand for gas increase, price increases; as demand decreases, price decreases. Demand is a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Therefore, if more people car pool, gas prices will drop.
Road Repairs
The amount of municipal road repair is a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is a function of the number of cars people have to use. The number of cars people use is an inverse function of the number and size of car pools. Therefore, if more people car pool, fewer road repairs will be done.
Property Taxes
The amount you pay in property taxes is a function of the amount of municipal road repair. Therefore, the more people car pool, the less you'll pay on property taxes. (Assuming no change in other municipal spending.)
Vehicle Maintenance
The amount you spend on vehicle maintenance is a function of the amount of vehicle use. The amount of vehicle use is a function of car pool use, in that passengers will not be using their cars while car pooling. Therefore, the more people car pool, the less they'll pay for vehicle maintenance.
Traffic Accidents
The amount of traffic accidents is a function of the amount of traffic, or the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Therefore, the more people car pool, the fewer accidents there will be. (But the less awkward my sentences might not be.)
Auto Insurance
Auto insurance is a function of the number of traffic accidents. Therefore, the more people car pool, the lower auto insurance premiums will be.
Commute Time
Commute time is a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Commute time is also a function of road repairs, which tend to slow traffic. Therefore, if more people car pool, commute times will be shorter. (Ah, better sentence structure.)
Stress
Stress is a function of commute time. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be less stress.
Violence (Road Rage)
Road rage is a function of stress. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be less road rage. (Assuming you get along with your fellow car poolers.)
Disease
Disease is a function of stress. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be less disease. (I know, I'm stretching it; if more people car pool, they might also spread disease due to closer proximity.)
Nocturnal, I mean, Carbon Emissions (dammit)
Carbon emissions are a function of the number of cars on the road. The number of cars on the road is an inverse function of the number of car pools. Therefore, if more people car pool, there will be fewer carbon emissions.
(I might go on to say the existence of the species is a function of having a livable environment, which is a function of not having an overheated planet, etc., which is a function of car pools.)
Extra Time To Do Stuff
Time to do stuff is a function of having your hands free. Having your hands free is a function of not having to operate a car. Not having to operate a car is a function of being a passenger in a car instead of a driver. Therefore, the more people car pool, the more people (i.e., the passengers) will have extra time to do stuff instead of driving.
In Summary
More car poolings =
- saving money on gas
- lowering gas prices, and saving even more money on gas
- lowering your property taxes
- saving money on vehicle maintenance
- lower auto insurance premiums
- faster commutes
- longer existence of species
- more free time
It is amazing how few people car pool, given the financial incentives. Although some of the financial incentives would take a mass movement to realize (e.g., lowering gas prices and insurance premiums), several are immediately accessible (saving money on gas and vehicle maintenance, and having more free time).
So if you're out there reading this (and if you've made it this far, you are), then start a car pool.
Disturbing Gore
I have a mild headache and it's translating into negative emotions. It occured to me that: "oh! I have a blog on the world-wide Internet! I could take out my negative emotions on the entire world (that owns computer) by linking to an image or video of disturbing gore!"
But my CBT kicked in, and instead I made the crucial decision to post the opposite of disturbing gore! What is the opposite of disturbing gore? Un-disturbing gore? Disturbing non-gore? Un-disturbing non-gore?
I gave up and went to YouTube and found one of the least viewed videos with a predictably cute and average rabbit.
But my CBT kicked in, and instead I made the crucial decision to post the opposite of disturbing gore! What is the opposite of disturbing gore? Un-disturbing gore? Disturbing non-gore? Un-disturbing non-gore?
I gave up and went to YouTube and found one of the least viewed videos with a predictably cute and average rabbit.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Something Interesting
I know something interesting I can write about myself. This is becoming a personal weblog, what with me writing things about myself.
I've started eating snack food with chopsticks. Like popcorn, cheese puffs, peanuts, and so forth. There are several advantages to this, like maybe 2 advantages. First of all, my fingers don't get dirty. Second, I should eat less which will lower my caloric intake. The latter advantage doesn't actually actualize because it's just too much fun to eat food with chopsticks.
That was a personal announcement I just announced... or was it? Did it reveal any weakness that could be exploited? Obviously, I mentioned a concern about caloric intake. Am I self-conscious about a weight problem? Do I have diabetes or a history of heart disease in my family? How would someone exploit these possible points of weakness?
I've started eating snack food with chopsticks. Like popcorn, cheese puffs, peanuts, and so forth. There are several advantages to this, like maybe 2 advantages. First of all, my fingers don't get dirty. Second, I should eat less which will lower my caloric intake. The latter advantage doesn't actually actualize because it's just too much fun to eat food with chopsticks.
That was a personal announcement I just announced... or was it? Did it reveal any weakness that could be exploited? Obviously, I mentioned a concern about caloric intake. Am I self-conscious about a weight problem? Do I have diabetes or a history of heart disease in my family? How would someone exploit these possible points of weakness?
Good Afternoon
When the thought popped into my head like... something that pops (corn?)... to write an afternoon post, it occured to me that I haven't written very many afternoon posts, and I ought to do so! So then I opened up my Web browser to post my afternoon-timestamped thoughts on the Internet for other people on the Internet to read over their Web browsers!
When I started writing the last paragraph, I checked the time and it was... almost 6:30PM!?!That's not afternoon, that's evening! My afternoon post will have to wait for another day.
When I started writing the last paragraph, I checked the time and it was... almost 6:30PM!?!That's not afternoon, that's evening! My afternoon post will have to wait for another day.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I Made Further Changes (See The Update)
I made changes to the blog layout. Changes have to be logged for historical reference. Someday I will ask myself if I made changes to my blog at around 1:00AM on June 10, 2008. Because weblog postings are dated and timed, I can look back and say: "YES!" That will make my life more interesting.
However, I am not logging what changes I have made. To find that out, I am going to assume that I will remember under hypnosis. Then I can look back and say: "YES! Hypnotism is interesting!"
Also, here's a video:
UPDATE: I noticed that not all of the words in this post's original Title, "I made changes", were Capitalized, so I changed the post's Title to use all Capitalized words. I also changed the keyword list to include the words "capitalization" and "keyword abuse" and "blog", because this is a blog.
However, I am not logging what changes I have made. To find that out, I am going to assume that I will remember under hypnosis. Then I can look back and say: "YES! Hypnotism is interesting!"
Also, here's a video:
UPDATE: I noticed that not all of the words in this post's original Title, "I made changes", were Capitalized, so I changed the post's Title to use all Capitalized words. I also changed the keyword list to include the words "capitalization" and "keyword abuse" and "blog", because this is a blog.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Creative
In order to be creative, I made a change to the blog layout. You'll now see the words "It's a world's most blog". Note how the sloth in that phrase underlines a lack of creativity. It's "a" world's most blog, like I don't even care if it is the most. It's not really creative in the first place: I just took "world's most blog" and prefixed it with "It's the", as if you didn't already know where you were. Also, I only bothered to capitalize "It's", but the rest of the phrase? I could care less. Since I'm just typing even more words into this thing, why bother with the Shift key? That's extra work for my ring finger.
So look forward to more creativity as I make further changes in the future. One day, you won't recognize this blog. Especially if you get severe and sudden macular degeneration, or Alzheimer's, or you have a stroke or head trauma some form of severe brain injury damaging the area of your brain used to recognize blogs (mine in particular). Then I will have to morph my text-based "web content" into audio or braille for you. So please, buy a helmet - it will make my life much easier. Life is hard enough having to maintain an "online presence" with "web log content".
So look forward to more creativity as I make further changes in the future. One day, you won't recognize this blog. Especially if you get severe and sudden macular degeneration, or Alzheimer's, or you have a stroke or head trauma some form of severe brain injury damaging the area of your brain used to recognize blogs (mine in particular). Then I will have to morph my text-based "web content" into audio or braille for you. So please, buy a helmet - it will make my life much easier. Life is hard enough having to maintain an "online presence" with "web log content".
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Just some numbers
According to CTV's W5, drunk drivers kill 1200 Canadians every year. It's the leading criminal cause of death in Canada. If you accept that terrorist attacks are criminal acts, this means that drunk driving is worse than terrorism, at least quantitatively speaking.
To put this in perspective, in the 9/11 terrorist attacks, 24 Canadians were killed. (I will assume for now that the attacks were not a false-flag operation directed by Dick Cheney but were actually committed by bona-fide Islamic terrorists directed by Osama Bin Laden.) If you do the math, almost 24 Canadians are killed by drunk drivers every week.*
If you are addicted to alcohol, you might try to convince me that terrorist attacks are not criminal acts but rather acts of war. That way, you can use the apples-and-oranges semantic routine to duck my comparisons, and thereby protect your beloved drink.
* 1200 Canadians per year / 51 weeks = 23.59 ≈ 24 Canadians per week
To put this in perspective, in the 9/11 terrorist attacks, 24 Canadians were killed. (I will assume for now that the attacks were not a false-flag operation directed by Dick Cheney but were actually committed by bona-fide Islamic terrorists directed by Osama Bin Laden.) If you do the math, almost 24 Canadians are killed by drunk drivers every week.*
If you are addicted to alcohol, you might try to convince me that terrorist attacks are not criminal acts but rather acts of war. That way, you can use the apples-and-oranges semantic routine to duck my comparisons, and thereby protect your beloved drink.
* 1200 Canadians per year / 51 weeks = 23.59 ≈ 24 Canadians per week
Monday, June 2, 2008
You Know The Type
Yeah, the other day, I saw one of them. You know the type. The kind of person easily summarized, categorized and classified. That type. You know, a person whose essential qualities are easily captured and dismissed and degraded with minimal text. The kind of person who'll walk right up to you and say, "If you have a sense of inadequacy, just go ahead and deny it. Labeling me ultimately won't make you feel better, but that won't stop you." I bet they would be stupid enough to say that, too. We are better than them.
Those people. They make it so easy. They're so predictable.
Those people. They make it so easy. They're so predictable.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The Next Bible
Nobody is reading my blog yet. Imagine that one day it became a sacred text to a billion people? That is one of the more ridiculous possibilities in the infinite universe.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The new title of this post is different
I'm trying to keep this away from being a personal weblog because personal weblogs cheapen existence, but ultimately, that's what it is. One's life just becomes even more "content" on the Internet. Life become a description, however deftly and elequently put forth, represented largely by words in a box; literally, in a big CSS text box. There is no mystery, except for wondering what the next post might be. Hmmm, what will the next piece of "content" of my life I can describe in a text box on a blog? Conceptualizing my life as "content-in-a-box" even cheapens the sexy gnostic idea of a simulacrum.
I had nothing better to write about, and I am trying to write regularly. So, here's something: I exercised today and I'm tired. I've been exercising regularly.
June 10, 2008 UPDATE: I changed the title of this post because it did not reflect the content of the post. The old title was: "Yeah, Why Madison?" which I overheard from a TV commercial whilst composing. The new title is different. It begins to reflect the content of this post, but is mostly confined to reflecting the content of this Update.
I had nothing better to write about, and I am trying to write regularly. So, here's something: I exercised today and I'm tired. I've been exercising regularly.
June 10, 2008 UPDATE: I changed the title of this post because it did not reflect the content of the post. The old title was: "Yeah, Why Madison?" which I overheard from a TV commercial whilst composing. The new title is different. It begins to reflect the content of this post, but is mostly confined to reflecting the content of this Update.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Basement Floor
I used to live on the top floor of one of the city's tallest buildings. Now I sleep on a mattress on a basement floor. Sometimes, bugs crawl on me at night. If I catch them, they learn their fate skewered perpendicular on sewing needles, barbecued crisp by red stove-top coils.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
What To Do - My Writing Is Too Parenthetical - About Chemtrails
What I really wanted to talk about (for one post, anyway) is Chemtrails. If you just happened upon this blog, I won't go into what Chemtrails are. You are on the Internet. If you don't know what Chemtrails are, use the Internet to find out. You are supposed to be Intelligent. That's what the word "Internet" means: INTElligent NETwork.
I don't believe in Chemtrails. And I believe the moon landing was faked and 9/11 was an inside job. (I also believe 9/12 is an inside job.) For people who do believe in Chemtrails, it seems more to do with:
I decided to use the Google to search for "boycott air travel" AND chemtrails. I got zip. People only want to boycott air travel because of fuel surcharges, not because World Government wants to kill 5 billion people. (I suppose that fuel surcharges are part of a plot to kill more than 5 billion people?)
So if you really believe in Chemtrails, here's what you can do, courtesy of my own imagination. Stop making your anti-Chemtrails websites full of random photos of clouds for a moment and check this out:
I don't believe in Chemtrails. And I believe the moon landing was faked and 9/11 was an inside job. (I also believe 9/12 is an inside job.) For people who do believe in Chemtrails, it seems more to do with:
- having a sense of elitism over the "ignorant sheeple" who "deny reality", and
- the adrenaline rush triggered by the contemplation over what depths of evil boogeyman government is capable of plumbing.
I decided to use the Google to search for "boycott air travel" AND chemtrails. I got zip. People only want to boycott air travel because of fuel surcharges, not because World Government wants to kill 5 billion people. (I suppose that fuel surcharges are part of a plot to kill more than 5 billion people?)
So if you really believe in Chemtrails, here's what you can do, courtesy of my own imagination. Stop making your anti-Chemtrails websites full of random photos of clouds for a moment and check this out:
- Boycott Air Travel. (Cool, now I'll have the only Google hit for "boycott air travel" AND Chemtrails.) Assume that the amount of Chemtrails in the air is a function of the number of aircraft in the air. The number of aircraft in the air is a function of the number of passengers. So you want to stop a Chemtrail? Don't get on that plane. Take a bus, train or boat.
But what if it is strictly military aircraft spraying us? Continue to boycott air travel. Many civilian aircraft are built by Boeing, also a major defense contractor. They make military aircraft, which likely spray Chemtrails. Boycotting the use of their civilian planes will still hit them in the pocketbook. - Buy Your Own Private Jet. Make sure it is NOT outfitted with tanks to spray Chemtrails!
- Start Your Own Chemtrail-Free Charter Service. Reassure your customers that your fleet is NOT outfitted with tanks to spray Chemtrails! (Also reassure them with drop-down tin foil hats, har har!)
- Petition The Government to Develop a Chemtrail-Free Certification. To be certified Chemtrail-Free, an airline must have a third part vouch that their fleet is free of Chemtrail dispersal tanks.
- Inform Your Travel Agent You Want To Fly Chemtrail-Free. Have them check with the airline companies so you look like less of a nut.
- If You Have To Fly, Politely Ask The Pilot Not To Spray Chemtrails. Let him know that you please don't want him to participate in exterminating 5 billion people from the planet.
Inaugural Entry
Hallo Werld.
To explain the name, "World's Most Blog": I want to be superlative at everything, but I am not and likely never will be superlative at anything. Especially not blogging.
To explain the name, "World's Most Blog": I want to be superlative at everything, but I am not and likely never will be superlative at anything. Especially not blogging.
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